DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
-----------------------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
2. phust name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yourj: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leabe blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also. Pleaje
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Australia v Zimbabwe, Group B, ICC World Twenty20
No more fun for 'diabolical' Australia
Andrew McGlashan at Newlands
September 12, 2007
Elton Chigumbura celebrates the dismissal of Matthew Hayden in the first over ... Australia were off the pace from the start © Getty Images
Ray Mali, the interim ICC president, evoked gasps from around the globe a few weeks ago when he claimed that Zimbabwe can be the world's No. 1 in three years. It isn't the first time Mali has appeared to be living in his own surreal world, but for one night in Cape Town reality was suspended as Australia, the world champions and tournament favourites, were toppled in a thrilling, unforgettable, upset.
Brendan Taylor paced his innings outstandingly despite a rain interruption, and when he glanced Nathan Bracken off his pads down to fine leg with one ball to spare, the whole Zimbabwe squad - who had been stood as one in the dug-out - erupted in wild celebrations. In recent times they haven't been able to beat national A teams, but now they had taken down the biggest name in the game.
The crowd hadn't quite lived up to the pre-match expectations, but the grass bank by the pavilion included a small patch of Zimbabwe fans and they burst into spontaneous scenes of joy. During the closing stages, however, most of the spectators threw their support behind Zimbabwe, and were rewarded with a lap of honour as Australia licked their wounds. Australia now face the unpalatable prospect of going out at the first hurdle, while Zimbabwe must try to resist their urge to party all night because England await on Thursday afternoon.
But there is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said "we've got to start respecting the game a bit more." He admitted he was embarrassed by the result adding that there "would be many Australians back home feeling the same way."
Ponting has tried to laugh off Australia's previous Twenty20 defeats, especially their memorable 100-run upset against England before the 2005 Ashes, but he wore a stony face after this result. This time Australia have come a cropper in a global tournament - that doesn't happen very often at all.
Reducing the number of overs and throwing in some awkward weather conditions invariably brings a contest closer together. Leading players have less time to express themselves and create match-winning displays, while it allows those normally exposed by the longer form to have a greater role.
This match was never expected to equal the pyrotechnics generated by West Indies and South Africa at the Wanderers, but after Ponting decided to bat - when bowling first would have put Zimbabwe under greater early pressure - the feeling was that their muscle and might would overcome the trickiness of the conditions.
There is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said 'we've got to start respecting the game a bit more.'
But one of the beauties of cricket is how the game can change with the conditions. This tournament is being played in three contrasting venues all around South Africa; the high altitude of Johannesburg, the humidity of Durban and the cool of Cape Town. While watching Chris Gayle and Herschelle Gibbs cut loose was hugely entertaining, so was seeing the best team in the world battling against a side that, in recent times, has resembled a poor club side.
Zimbabwe's motley crew of medium-pacers were made to look lethal as the clouds came over and the ball zipped around, but in Johannesburg they would have been cannon-fodder. Australia's instinct was to try and attack their way out of a sticky situation, and not just because this is Twenty20 - they would have played the same way in a Test or one-day international.
However, each time they attempted an expansive shot it went straight up in the air and located a safe pair of Zimbabwean hands. To put Australia's struggle into context they ended the six overs of fielding restrictions on 22 for 3; when Kenya were 1 for 4 against New Zealand earlier in the day they made 23 from the first six. "The top order was diabolical during the warm-ups too," said Ponting. "And I guess that's where we lost it."
Still, though, the feeling was that Australia's 139 would be enough. But early boundaries from Vusi Sibanda gave Zimbabwe some momentum, then rain started adding to the equation. Slowly it became heavier and, as Ponting nervously tried to read a crumpled Duckworth-Lewis print-out, the players were forced off the pitch. Australia were ahead by five runs, but the break gave Zimbabwe time to reassess and when play resumed Taylor played the innings of his life.
Ponting tried sending fielders left, right and centre and endless shies missed the stumps as Zimbabwe's batsmen scampered for everything. It brought back memories of the last time Australia suffered a huge one-day upset, against Bangladesh at Cardiff in 2005, the first result of a tour which culminated in them losing the Ashes - ironically two years ago to the very day.
Their one chance of staying alive in this tournament now rests on beating England on Friday. If that doesn't motivate them, nothing will. All of a sudden this tournament has got very serious for Australia.
www.cricinfo.com
Andrew McGlashan at Newlands
September 12, 2007
Elton Chigumbura celebrates the dismissal of Matthew Hayden in the first over ... Australia were off the pace from the start © Getty Images
Ray Mali, the interim ICC president, evoked gasps from around the globe a few weeks ago when he claimed that Zimbabwe can be the world's No. 1 in three years. It isn't the first time Mali has appeared to be living in his own surreal world, but for one night in Cape Town reality was suspended as Australia, the world champions and tournament favourites, were toppled in a thrilling, unforgettable, upset.
Brendan Taylor paced his innings outstandingly despite a rain interruption, and when he glanced Nathan Bracken off his pads down to fine leg with one ball to spare, the whole Zimbabwe squad - who had been stood as one in the dug-out - erupted in wild celebrations. In recent times they haven't been able to beat national A teams, but now they had taken down the biggest name in the game.
The crowd hadn't quite lived up to the pre-match expectations, but the grass bank by the pavilion included a small patch of Zimbabwe fans and they burst into spontaneous scenes of joy. During the closing stages, however, most of the spectators threw their support behind Zimbabwe, and were rewarded with a lap of honour as Australia licked their wounds. Australia now face the unpalatable prospect of going out at the first hurdle, while Zimbabwe must try to resist their urge to party all night because England await on Thursday afternoon.
But there is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said "we've got to start respecting the game a bit more." He admitted he was embarrassed by the result adding that there "would be many Australians back home feeling the same way."
Ponting has tried to laugh off Australia's previous Twenty20 defeats, especially their memorable 100-run upset against England before the 2005 Ashes, but he wore a stony face after this result. This time Australia have come a cropper in a global tournament - that doesn't happen very often at all.
Reducing the number of overs and throwing in some awkward weather conditions invariably brings a contest closer together. Leading players have less time to express themselves and create match-winning displays, while it allows those normally exposed by the longer form to have a greater role.
This match was never expected to equal the pyrotechnics generated by West Indies and South Africa at the Wanderers, but after Ponting decided to bat - when bowling first would have put Zimbabwe under greater early pressure - the feeling was that their muscle and might would overcome the trickiness of the conditions.
There is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said 'we've got to start respecting the game a bit more.'
But one of the beauties of cricket is how the game can change with the conditions. This tournament is being played in three contrasting venues all around South Africa; the high altitude of Johannesburg, the humidity of Durban and the cool of Cape Town. While watching Chris Gayle and Herschelle Gibbs cut loose was hugely entertaining, so was seeing the best team in the world battling against a side that, in recent times, has resembled a poor club side.
Zimbabwe's motley crew of medium-pacers were made to look lethal as the clouds came over and the ball zipped around, but in Johannesburg they would have been cannon-fodder. Australia's instinct was to try and attack their way out of a sticky situation, and not just because this is Twenty20 - they would have played the same way in a Test or one-day international.
However, each time they attempted an expansive shot it went straight up in the air and located a safe pair of Zimbabwean hands. To put Australia's struggle into context they ended the six overs of fielding restrictions on 22 for 3; when Kenya were 1 for 4 against New Zealand earlier in the day they made 23 from the first six. "The top order was diabolical during the warm-ups too," said Ponting. "And I guess that's where we lost it."
Still, though, the feeling was that Australia's 139 would be enough. But early boundaries from Vusi Sibanda gave Zimbabwe some momentum, then rain started adding to the equation. Slowly it became heavier and, as Ponting nervously tried to read a crumpled Duckworth-Lewis print-out, the players were forced off the pitch. Australia were ahead by five runs, but the break gave Zimbabwe time to reassess and when play resumed Taylor played the innings of his life.
Ponting tried sending fielders left, right and centre and endless shies missed the stumps as Zimbabwe's batsmen scampered for everything. It brought back memories of the last time Australia suffered a huge one-day upset, against Bangladesh at Cardiff in 2005, the first result of a tour which culminated in them losing the Ashes - ironically two years ago to the very day.
Their one chance of staying alive in this tournament now rests on beating England on Friday. If that doesn't motivate them, nothing will. All of a sudden this tournament has got very serious for Australia.
www.cricinfo.com
Sardarji jokes
Sardar starts shouting in a store......
where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
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Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
Dr: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.
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இன்டர்வியூ
துப்பறியும் நிபுணர் வேலைக்கான இன்டர்வியூ அது. வந்திருந்த மூன்று பேருமே சர்தார்ஜிகள்தான்.
முதல் சர்தார்ஜி உள்ளே அழைக்கப்பட்டார். அவரிடம் ஒரு புகைப்படம் காட்டப்பட்டது. ஒரு நபரின் பக்கவாட்டில் இருந்து எடுத்த படம் அது. ''இவன் ஒரு கிரிமினல். இவனை கரெக்டா ஞாபகம் வெச்சுக்க எதை அடையாளமா எடுத்துக்குவீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் இன்டர்வியூ செய்த அதிகாரி. சர்தார்ஜி சற்றும் தாமதிக்காமல் சொன்னார் - ''அவனுக்கு ஒரு கண்ணுதான் இருக்கு. ஈஸியா பிடிச்சுடலாம் சார்...''
அதிகாரிக்குக் கோபம் வந்துவிட்டது. ''இது என்ன முட்டாள்தனம்? பக்கவாட்டில் எடுக்கப்பட்ட படத்தில் ஒரு கண்தானே தெரியும்? அவனுக்கு இன்னொரு கண் இருக்காதுன்னு எப்படி முடிவுபண்ணலாம்?'' என்று எகிறிவிட்டு, அடுத்த சர்தார்ஜியை அழைத்தார்.
அவரிடமும் அதே புகைப்படம்... அதே கேள்வி!
''ஹா... இவனுக்கு ஒரு காதுதானே இருக்கு. இந்த அடையாளம் போதுமே!'' என்றார் அந்த சர்தார்ஜி. அதிகாரி தன் தலையில் தானே குட்டிக்கொண்டு அவரைத் துரத்திவிட்டார்.
மூன்றாவது சர்தார்ஜி வந்தார். கேள்வியையும் புகைப்படத்தையும் சில விநாடிகள் மனதில் ஓடவிட்டவர், ''அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் போட்டிருக்கான் சார்!'' என்றார்.
அதிகாரிக்கு அது புதிராக இருந்தது. இது உண்மையாக இருக்குமோ என்று அந்த கிரிமினலின் பழைய ரெக்கார்டுகளைப் புரட்டினார். என்ன ஆச்சரியம்! அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் அணியும் பழக்கம் உள்ளவன்தான்!
''என்னால நம்பவே முடியலை.. அற்புதம். அது எப்படி அவ்வளவு கரெக்டா அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் தான் போட்டிருக்கான்னு சொன்னீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் அதிகாரி.
சர்தார்ஜி சொன்னார் - ''இதில் என்ன இருக்கு? அவனால சாதாரண கண்ணாடி அணிய முடியாது. அவனுக்கு ஒரு காது... ஒரு கண்ணுதானே இருக்கு!''
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SARDAR in ARABIA
************ ********* ******
A Sardar, a German and an American got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were
preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The American was
next up. After watching the German in horror he
said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the American was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked. Sardar smiled and
said, "Tie the American to my back" !!!
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சர்தார் : டாக்டர், என் உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குது, எந்த இடத்தையும் என்னால தொட முடியல, தொட்டா உயிர் போற மாதிரி வலிக்குது.
டாக்டர் : அப்பட்டியா, எங்க உங்க நெத்திய தொடுங்க.
சர்தார் “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க கண்ணத்த தொடுங்க.
மறுபடியும், “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க வயித்த தொடுங்க.
ரொம்ப சத்தமா, “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராறு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : சரி, இதுல எழுதியிருக்குற டெஸ்ட் எல்லாம் எடுத்துட்டு வாங்க
மறு நாள்.
டாக்டர் : உங்க பிரச்சனை என்னனு கண்டுபுடிச்சாச்சு
சர்தார் : என்ன டாக்டர். ?
டாக்டர் : உங்க ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சு போயிருக்கு.
சர்தார் : டாக்டர் ஒரு சந்தேகம், ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சா, உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குமா ? ? ? ? ? ?
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சர்தார் தன்னுடைய நண்பருக்கு போன் செய்கிறார்.
தொலைபேசி : நீங்கள் தொடர்பு கொள்ளும் வாடிக்கையாளர், தொடர்பு எல்லைக்கு வெளியில் உள்ளார்.
சர்தார் : ரொம்ப முக்கியமான விஷயம், கொஞ்சம் உள்ள வர சொல்லுங்க ப்ளீஸ்.
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where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
Dr: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
இன்டர்வியூ
துப்பறியும் நிபுணர் வேலைக்கான இன்டர்வியூ அது. வந்திருந்த மூன்று பேருமே சர்தார்ஜிகள்தான்.
முதல் சர்தார்ஜி உள்ளே அழைக்கப்பட்டார். அவரிடம் ஒரு புகைப்படம் காட்டப்பட்டது. ஒரு நபரின் பக்கவாட்டில் இருந்து எடுத்த படம் அது. ''இவன் ஒரு கிரிமினல். இவனை கரெக்டா ஞாபகம் வெச்சுக்க எதை அடையாளமா எடுத்துக்குவீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் இன்டர்வியூ செய்த அதிகாரி. சர்தார்ஜி சற்றும் தாமதிக்காமல் சொன்னார் - ''அவனுக்கு ஒரு கண்ணுதான் இருக்கு. ஈஸியா பிடிச்சுடலாம் சார்...''
அதிகாரிக்குக் கோபம் வந்துவிட்டது. ''இது என்ன முட்டாள்தனம்? பக்கவாட்டில் எடுக்கப்பட்ட படத்தில் ஒரு கண்தானே தெரியும்? அவனுக்கு இன்னொரு கண் இருக்காதுன்னு எப்படி முடிவுபண்ணலாம்?'' என்று எகிறிவிட்டு, அடுத்த சர்தார்ஜியை அழைத்தார்.
அவரிடமும் அதே புகைப்படம்... அதே கேள்வி!
''ஹா... இவனுக்கு ஒரு காதுதானே இருக்கு. இந்த அடையாளம் போதுமே!'' என்றார் அந்த சர்தார்ஜி. அதிகாரி தன் தலையில் தானே குட்டிக்கொண்டு அவரைத் துரத்திவிட்டார்.
மூன்றாவது சர்தார்ஜி வந்தார். கேள்வியையும் புகைப்படத்தையும் சில விநாடிகள் மனதில் ஓடவிட்டவர், ''அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் போட்டிருக்கான் சார்!'' என்றார்.
அதிகாரிக்கு அது புதிராக இருந்தது. இது உண்மையாக இருக்குமோ என்று அந்த கிரிமினலின் பழைய ரெக்கார்டுகளைப் புரட்டினார். என்ன ஆச்சரியம்! அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் அணியும் பழக்கம் உள்ளவன்தான்!
''என்னால நம்பவே முடியலை.. அற்புதம். அது எப்படி அவ்வளவு கரெக்டா அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் தான் போட்டிருக்கான்னு சொன்னீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் அதிகாரி.
சர்தார்ஜி சொன்னார் - ''இதில் என்ன இருக்கு? அவனால சாதாரண கண்ணாடி அணிய முடியாது. அவனுக்கு ஒரு காது... ஒரு கண்ணுதானே இருக்கு!''
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SARDAR in ARABIA
************ ********* ******
A Sardar, a German and an American got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were
preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The American was
next up. After watching the German in horror he
said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the American was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked. Sardar smiled and
said, "Tie the American to my back" !!!
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சர்தார் : டாக்டர், என் உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குது, எந்த இடத்தையும் என்னால தொட முடியல, தொட்டா உயிர் போற மாதிரி வலிக்குது.
டாக்டர் : அப்பட்டியா, எங்க உங்க நெத்திய தொடுங்க.
சர்தார் “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க கண்ணத்த தொடுங்க.
மறுபடியும், “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க வயித்த தொடுங்க.
ரொம்ப சத்தமா, “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராறு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : சரி, இதுல எழுதியிருக்குற டெஸ்ட் எல்லாம் எடுத்துட்டு வாங்க
மறு நாள்.
டாக்டர் : உங்க பிரச்சனை என்னனு கண்டுபுடிச்சாச்சு
சர்தார் : என்ன டாக்டர். ?
டாக்டர் : உங்க ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சு போயிருக்கு.
சர்தார் : டாக்டர் ஒரு சந்தேகம், ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சா, உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குமா ? ? ? ? ? ?
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சர்தார் தன்னுடைய நண்பருக்கு போன் செய்கிறார்.
தொலைபேசி : நீங்கள் தொடர்பு கொள்ளும் வாடிக்கையாளர், தொடர்பு எல்லைக்கு வெளியில் உள்ளார்.
சர்தார் : ரொம்ப முக்கியமான விஷயம், கொஞ்சம் உள்ள வர சொல்லுங்க ப்ளீஸ்.
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AAloo paratha
Ingredients:
Potatoes 2
Coriander leaves 5-6 stems
Ginger-Garlic Paste 1 tea spn
Green chillies 2-3
Wheat flour 2-3 cups
Oil and Ghee 2 tbl spn each
Salt
Method:
Add water,salt and little oil to wheat flour.Make dough(similar to chapati dough).Apply oil to the dough and keep for around 1hr.
Cook the potatoes and mash.Make paste of coriander leaves and green chillies.Add this to potatoes.Add ginger-garlic paste and salt.
Take a small ball of dough, spread it like a poori with hand, take a ball(ping pong ball sized) of potato stuffing, keep it on the poori and close the poori over stuffing.
Make paratha applying wheat flour.
Fry paratha on tava, apply ghee on both sides.
Potatoes 2
Coriander leaves 5-6 stems
Ginger-Garlic Paste 1 tea spn
Green chillies 2-3
Wheat flour 2-3 cups
Oil and Ghee 2 tbl spn each
Salt
Method:
Add water,salt and little oil to wheat flour.Make dough(similar to chapati dough).Apply oil to the dough and keep for around 1hr.
Cook the potatoes and mash.Make paste of coriander leaves and green chillies.Add this to potatoes.Add ginger-garlic paste and salt.
Take a small ball of dough, spread it like a poori with hand, take a ball(ping pong ball sized) of potato stuffing, keep it on the poori and close the poori over stuffing.
Make paratha applying wheat flour.
Fry paratha on tava, apply ghee on both sides.
News from chennai
Hoteliers flock to the South
KOLKATA: Three southern States — Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka — have become attractive destinations for hotel projects and an estimated investment of Rs. 4,000 crore is set to flow into these three States in the next five years. In fact, the country’s largest hotel is coming up in Chennai, work on which will begin in a month. This is ITC’s first greenfield project in the State, according to Nakul Anand, head of ITC’s hotel business.
Of the Rs. 4,500 crore investment announced by P. R. S. Oberoi of the Oberoi group of hotels and resorts, a significant proportion would be spent on setting up new properties in the South.
Out of the five hotel projects lined up for opening by the group by 2009, three are in the South — two in Bangalore and one in Hyderabad. This would add not only rooms but also serviced-apartments, a relatively new concept which targets the long-stay corporate client.
The ITC group, which is focussing on its hotel business in a big way is setting up a luxury hotel in Bangalore, besides the one in Chennai. The Tatas too have their plans for this region.
An official of the Hotel Association of India, the industry apex body, said that from the tourism point of view, the South had very rich potential and was a popular destination.
According to Mr. Anand, the presence of a metro and two semi-metros like Bangalore and Hyderabad did enhance the lure of the southern region as a good business proposition for hoteliers. “Infrastructure in this region has developed very well, with the IT and the IT-enabled service segments such as call centres, as well as the automobile industry are generating a higher demand for hotel rooms,” he said.
Rs. 1,000 cr. project
Elaborating on the new hotel in Chennai, which will be called ITC Grand Chola, Mr. Anand told The Hindu that this would come up on an eight-acre plot in Guindy on the former Campa Cola land. Construction was expected to start within a month.
“We are trying to better the industry norm of 36 months,” he said. The Rs. 1,000-crore project will have 550-deluxe rooms. The project also encompasses 100 service apartments, retail space, besides conference and exhibition facilities.
This is ITC’s first greenfield hotel project in Chennai from where it started its hotels business in 1975 with the acquisition of the Chola Hotel.
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திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகி விட்டேன். இனிமேல் எந்த அரசியல் கட்சியுடனும் கூட்டணி வைக்க மாட்டேன் என லட்சிய திமுக தலைவரும், இயக்குநருமான விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் திடீரென அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
முன்பு திமுகவில் தீவிரமாக செயல்பட்டவர் டி.ராஜேந்தர். பிறகு திமுகவிலிருந்து நீக்கப்பட்டார். அதன் பின்னர் தாயக மறுமலர்ச்சிக் கழகம் என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சியைத் தொடங்கினார். தேர்தலிலும் போட்டியிட்டு கணிசமான வாக்குகளைப் பெற்றார்.
அதன் பின்னர் சற்று அமைதியாக இருந்த விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் மீண்டும் திமுகவில் இணைந்தார். தேர்தலில் நிறுத்தப்பட்டு எம்.எல்.ஏவும் ஆனார். பிறகு மீண்டும் கட்சித் தலைமையுடன் கருத்து வேறுபாடு ஏற்பட்டது. மீண்டும் திமுகவிலிருந்து விலகினார்.
இதையடுத்து லட்சிய திமுக என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சி கண்டார். கடந்த சட்டசபைத் தேர்தலுக்கு முன்பு அதிமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமான உறவு வைத்திருந்தார். தேர்தலில் தனது கட்சிக்கு கெளரவமான சீட் தரப்படும் என்று எதிர்பார்த்தார். ஆனால் ஒரு சீட் கூட கொடுக்கவில்லை ஜெயலலிதா.
இதனால் கடுப்பான ராஜேந்தர் தனது கட்சி தனித்துப் போட்டியிடும் என அறிவித்தார். சில தொகுதிகளில் வேட்பாளர்களையும் நிறுத்தினார். அவரும் போட்டியிட்டார்.
பிறகு திமுக தரப்பிலிருந்து ராஜேந்தரை அணுகி ஆதரவு கேட்டனர். இதையடுத்து திமுகவுக்கு ஆதரவாக தீவிரப் பிரசாரம் செய்தார். தனது பிரசாரத்தில் ஜெயலலிதாவை கடுமையாக சாடாமல் திமுக அணியிலிருந்து அதிமுக அணிக்குத் தாவிய வைகோவை மட்டும் மிகக் கடுமையாக சாடிப் பேசினார்.
அவரது அடுக்குமொழிப் பேச்சுக்கும், பிரசாரத்திற்கும் செமத்தியான வரவேற்பும் கிடைத்தது.
தேர்தலுக்குப் பின்னர் தீவிர அரசியலில் ஈடுபடாமல் இருந்த ராஜேந்தர், அப்போது திமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமாக இருந்த சன் டிவியில் அரட்டை அரங்கம் நிகழ்ச்சியை நடத்த ஆரம்பித்தார்.
விசு போனதால் விறுவிறுப்பிழந்திருந்த அரட்டைஅரங்கத்திற்கு ராஜேந்தர் வருகை புது பலத்தைக் கொடுத்தது.
இந்த நிலையில் திடீரென திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகுவதாக ராஜேந்தர் அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
இதுதொடர்பாக இன்று செய்தியாளர்களிடம் அவர் பேசுகையில், எனக்கு திமுக அணியில் அங்கீகாரம் கிடைக்கவில்லை. எனவே திமுக கூட்டணியிலிருந்து லட்சிய திமுக விலகுகிறது.
இனிமேல் லட்சிய திமுக தனித்து செயல்படும். யாருடனும் கூட்டு சேர மாட்டோம். யாருக்கும் பல்லக்கு தூக்கத் தயாராக இல்லை. யாரையும் தட்டிக் கேட்க தயங்க மாட்டேன்.
தமிழகத்தில் திமுக கூட்டணியில் சொல்ல முடியாத அளவுக்கு குழப்பம் நிலவுகிறது. கூட்டணிச் சிக்கலை சரி செய்வதிலும், சந்திப்பதிலும் மட்டுமே ஆட்சியாளர்கள் கவனம் செலுத்துகிறார்கள். ஒரு சர்க்கஸ் வித்தை போல நடந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறது.
கட்சி பொதுக்குழுவைக் கூட்டியுள்ளோம். அப்போது எதிர்கால நடவடிக்கை குறித்து முடிவு செய்து அறிவிப்போம் என்றார் ராஜேந்தர்.
Ha ha ha ha!!!!A big political twist in tamilnadu!!!!!!!
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A mall and multiplex wave is set to sweep across Chennai, with over 20 malls planned in the next three years.
The city, where India’s first mall, Spencer Plaza, was set up in 1975, is expected to absorb over Rs 3,000 crore in the coming years.
Realty majors such as Prestige Group, Shriram Properties and DLF are in the forefront of mall development in the city and beyond.
Bangalore-based Prestige is drawing up plans for a second Forum mall in the city’s artery, Mount Road, while completing the first Rs 350-crore Forum mall at Vadapalani in Chennai, in collaboration with Vijaya Group.
The Vadapalani mall, spread over 17 lakh square feet, will feature a seven-screen multiplex, over 100 shops, two departmental stores, a 1,40,000 square feet hypermarket. The mall is expected to become operational in the first quarter of 2010.
SOUTHERN SPICE
List of malls coming up in Chennai
Mall Name Developer Built-up area (sq.ft)
The Forum (Mount Rd) Prestige Group 12,75,000 *
The Forum (Vadapalani) Prestige Group 17,00,000
Velachery Mall Kshitij 21,00,000
Nungambakkam High Kshitij 1,17,207 *
Ampa Mall Ampa Housing 4,00,000
Express Mall Express Estates 8,00,000
DLF Mico Mall DLF 4,00,000
Kshitij Mall Kshitij 9,00,000 *
Coromandel Plaza Suryavardhan Estates 2,75,000 *
River Side Marg Constructions 11,00,000
Shriram Mall Shriram Properties 8,00,000
Allied Mall Allied Housing 7,00,000
P S Mall P S Group 2,00,000 *
Ozone Mall Ozone Group 14,00,000
SSI Binny Mall SSI Group Undecided
Baskara Mall Baskara Construction 4,00,000 *
“Vadapalani is a large residential catchment area, which is well connected by two important roads – Arcot Road and Nehru Road. Footfalls in this important location in the heart of the city will be higher compared to other areas,” said Muhammed Ali, DGM (mall leasing), Prestige Group.
While over the last year and a half, the attention of developers was focused on the residential sector, the feverish activity being raked up on the commercial and retail fronts is seen as a logical extension.
These have increased the demand for mall space even in areas such as Aminjikarai, Besant Nagar, Velachery, Mogappair, Sirusseri, Semmenchery and Perambur.
While Allied Housing & Development is planning a seven lakh square feet mall at Sirusseri on the Old Mahabalipuram Road, Chennai’s IT corridor, Ozone Group’s 14 lakh square feet Ozone Mall is coming up at its integrated township Metro Zone in Anna Nagar.
Company showrooms are expected to take up at least 90 per cent of the floor area in these malls, where the standard rentals are Rs 12-15 per square feet. This works out cheaper for companies, which would otherwise have to lease dedicated spaces at Rs 50-60 per square feet in retail hotbeds of the city like T-Nagar, Nungambakkam and Anna Nagar.
“While office rentals in the city are still on the higher side, they may not be attracted to rent spaces in malls. Malls are dedicated retail spaces, but it remains to be seen if the demand exists in Chennai,” cautioned Abdur Ravoof, a partner with Property Care.
But the action is on. River Side, a jumbo mall at Karapakkam near Chennai, when completed in the fourth quarter of 2008, would take up 11 lakh square feet of built-up space, including a mammoth parking area, according to industry sources. The mall is being set up at a cost of Rs 500 crore, with a Rs 100-crore loan from HUDCO. Marg Constructions, the project developer who has invested Rs 50 crore, is on the lookout for strategic investors to raise Rs 100 crore, and hopes to raise the rest through a mixture of debt and equity.
According to G R K Reddy, managing director, Marg Constructions, 30 per cent of the space at the new mall has already been booked. “The demand for organised retail in Chennai has been growing by leaps and bounds. Karapakkam is a good strategic location for our retail operations,” Reddy said.
Industry sources said the Fame Adlabs theatre chain, owned by Mumbai-based Shringar Cinemas, would start its south India operations with a four-screen multiplex at River Side.
Satyam, Inox and PVR, which have been operating theatre chains in Chennai, are likely to increase their footprint through these malls, along with new entrants such as Cinemax and Fame. While PVR is planning screens at the four lakh square feet Ampa Mall, Satyam is known to have leased space at the upcoming eight lakh square feet Express Mall, coming up on land formerly owned by Indian Express Group (Madurai). Westside is planning to set up flagship stores at both these malls once they become operational in mid-2008.
KOLKATA: Three southern States — Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka — have become attractive destinations for hotel projects and an estimated investment of Rs. 4,000 crore is set to flow into these three States in the next five years. In fact, the country’s largest hotel is coming up in Chennai, work on which will begin in a month. This is ITC’s first greenfield project in the State, according to Nakul Anand, head of ITC’s hotel business.
Of the Rs. 4,500 crore investment announced by P. R. S. Oberoi of the Oberoi group of hotels and resorts, a significant proportion would be spent on setting up new properties in the South.
Out of the five hotel projects lined up for opening by the group by 2009, three are in the South — two in Bangalore and one in Hyderabad. This would add not only rooms but also serviced-apartments, a relatively new concept which targets the long-stay corporate client.
The ITC group, which is focussing on its hotel business in a big way is setting up a luxury hotel in Bangalore, besides the one in Chennai. The Tatas too have their plans for this region.
An official of the Hotel Association of India, the industry apex body, said that from the tourism point of view, the South had very rich potential and was a popular destination.
According to Mr. Anand, the presence of a metro and two semi-metros like Bangalore and Hyderabad did enhance the lure of the southern region as a good business proposition for hoteliers. “Infrastructure in this region has developed very well, with the IT and the IT-enabled service segments such as call centres, as well as the automobile industry are generating a higher demand for hotel rooms,” he said.
Rs. 1,000 cr. project
Elaborating on the new hotel in Chennai, which will be called ITC Grand Chola, Mr. Anand told The Hindu that this would come up on an eight-acre plot in Guindy on the former Campa Cola land. Construction was expected to start within a month.
“We are trying to better the industry norm of 36 months,” he said. The Rs. 1,000-crore project will have 550-deluxe rooms. The project also encompasses 100 service apartments, retail space, besides conference and exhibition facilities.
This is ITC’s first greenfield hotel project in Chennai from where it started its hotels business in 1975 with the acquisition of the Chola Hotel.
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திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகி விட்டேன். இனிமேல் எந்த அரசியல் கட்சியுடனும் கூட்டணி வைக்க மாட்டேன் என லட்சிய திமுக தலைவரும், இயக்குநருமான விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் திடீரென அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
முன்பு திமுகவில் தீவிரமாக செயல்பட்டவர் டி.ராஜேந்தர். பிறகு திமுகவிலிருந்து நீக்கப்பட்டார். அதன் பின்னர் தாயக மறுமலர்ச்சிக் கழகம் என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சியைத் தொடங்கினார். தேர்தலிலும் போட்டியிட்டு கணிசமான வாக்குகளைப் பெற்றார்.
அதன் பின்னர் சற்று அமைதியாக இருந்த விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் மீண்டும் திமுகவில் இணைந்தார். தேர்தலில் நிறுத்தப்பட்டு எம்.எல்.ஏவும் ஆனார். பிறகு மீண்டும் கட்சித் தலைமையுடன் கருத்து வேறுபாடு ஏற்பட்டது. மீண்டும் திமுகவிலிருந்து விலகினார்.
இதையடுத்து லட்சிய திமுக என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சி கண்டார். கடந்த சட்டசபைத் தேர்தலுக்கு முன்பு அதிமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமான உறவு வைத்திருந்தார். தேர்தலில் தனது கட்சிக்கு கெளரவமான சீட் தரப்படும் என்று எதிர்பார்த்தார். ஆனால் ஒரு சீட் கூட கொடுக்கவில்லை ஜெயலலிதா.
இதனால் கடுப்பான ராஜேந்தர் தனது கட்சி தனித்துப் போட்டியிடும் என அறிவித்தார். சில தொகுதிகளில் வேட்பாளர்களையும் நிறுத்தினார். அவரும் போட்டியிட்டார்.
பிறகு திமுக தரப்பிலிருந்து ராஜேந்தரை அணுகி ஆதரவு கேட்டனர். இதையடுத்து திமுகவுக்கு ஆதரவாக தீவிரப் பிரசாரம் செய்தார். தனது பிரசாரத்தில் ஜெயலலிதாவை கடுமையாக சாடாமல் திமுக அணியிலிருந்து அதிமுக அணிக்குத் தாவிய வைகோவை மட்டும் மிகக் கடுமையாக சாடிப் பேசினார்.
அவரது அடுக்குமொழிப் பேச்சுக்கும், பிரசாரத்திற்கும் செமத்தியான வரவேற்பும் கிடைத்தது.
தேர்தலுக்குப் பின்னர் தீவிர அரசியலில் ஈடுபடாமல் இருந்த ராஜேந்தர், அப்போது திமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமாக இருந்த சன் டிவியில் அரட்டை அரங்கம் நிகழ்ச்சியை நடத்த ஆரம்பித்தார்.
விசு போனதால் விறுவிறுப்பிழந்திருந்த அரட்டைஅரங்கத்திற்கு ராஜேந்தர் வருகை புது பலத்தைக் கொடுத்தது.
இந்த நிலையில் திடீரென திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகுவதாக ராஜேந்தர் அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
இதுதொடர்பாக இன்று செய்தியாளர்களிடம் அவர் பேசுகையில், எனக்கு திமுக அணியில் அங்கீகாரம் கிடைக்கவில்லை. எனவே திமுக கூட்டணியிலிருந்து லட்சிய திமுக விலகுகிறது.
இனிமேல் லட்சிய திமுக தனித்து செயல்படும். யாருடனும் கூட்டு சேர மாட்டோம். யாருக்கும் பல்லக்கு தூக்கத் தயாராக இல்லை. யாரையும் தட்டிக் கேட்க தயங்க மாட்டேன்.
தமிழகத்தில் திமுக கூட்டணியில் சொல்ல முடியாத அளவுக்கு குழப்பம் நிலவுகிறது. கூட்டணிச் சிக்கலை சரி செய்வதிலும், சந்திப்பதிலும் மட்டுமே ஆட்சியாளர்கள் கவனம் செலுத்துகிறார்கள். ஒரு சர்க்கஸ் வித்தை போல நடந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறது.
கட்சி பொதுக்குழுவைக் கூட்டியுள்ளோம். அப்போது எதிர்கால நடவடிக்கை குறித்து முடிவு செய்து அறிவிப்போம் என்றார் ராஜேந்தர்.
Ha ha ha ha!!!!A big political twist in tamilnadu!!!!!!!
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A mall and multiplex wave is set to sweep across Chennai, with over 20 malls planned in the next three years.
The city, where India’s first mall, Spencer Plaza, was set up in 1975, is expected to absorb over Rs 3,000 crore in the coming years.
Realty majors such as Prestige Group, Shriram Properties and DLF are in the forefront of mall development in the city and beyond.
Bangalore-based Prestige is drawing up plans for a second Forum mall in the city’s artery, Mount Road, while completing the first Rs 350-crore Forum mall at Vadapalani in Chennai, in collaboration with Vijaya Group.
The Vadapalani mall, spread over 17 lakh square feet, will feature a seven-screen multiplex, over 100 shops, two departmental stores, a 1,40,000 square feet hypermarket. The mall is expected to become operational in the first quarter of 2010.
SOUTHERN SPICE
List of malls coming up in Chennai
Mall Name Developer Built-up area (sq.ft)
The Forum (Mount Rd) Prestige Group 12,75,000 *
The Forum (Vadapalani) Prestige Group 17,00,000
Velachery Mall Kshitij 21,00,000
Nungambakkam High Kshitij 1,17,207 *
Ampa Mall Ampa Housing 4,00,000
Express Mall Express Estates 8,00,000
DLF Mico Mall DLF 4,00,000
Kshitij Mall Kshitij 9,00,000 *
Coromandel Plaza Suryavardhan Estates 2,75,000 *
River Side Marg Constructions 11,00,000
Shriram Mall Shriram Properties 8,00,000
Allied Mall Allied Housing 7,00,000
P S Mall P S Group 2,00,000 *
Ozone Mall Ozone Group 14,00,000
SSI Binny Mall SSI Group Undecided
Baskara Mall Baskara Construction 4,00,000 *
“Vadapalani is a large residential catchment area, which is well connected by two important roads – Arcot Road and Nehru Road. Footfalls in this important location in the heart of the city will be higher compared to other areas,” said Muhammed Ali, DGM (mall leasing), Prestige Group.
While over the last year and a half, the attention of developers was focused on the residential sector, the feverish activity being raked up on the commercial and retail fronts is seen as a logical extension.
These have increased the demand for mall space even in areas such as Aminjikarai, Besant Nagar, Velachery, Mogappair, Sirusseri, Semmenchery and Perambur.
While Allied Housing & Development is planning a seven lakh square feet mall at Sirusseri on the Old Mahabalipuram Road, Chennai’s IT corridor, Ozone Group’s 14 lakh square feet Ozone Mall is coming up at its integrated township Metro Zone in Anna Nagar.
Company showrooms are expected to take up at least 90 per cent of the floor area in these malls, where the standard rentals are Rs 12-15 per square feet. This works out cheaper for companies, which would otherwise have to lease dedicated spaces at Rs 50-60 per square feet in retail hotbeds of the city like T-Nagar, Nungambakkam and Anna Nagar.
“While office rentals in the city are still on the higher side, they may not be attracted to rent spaces in malls. Malls are dedicated retail spaces, but it remains to be seen if the demand exists in Chennai,” cautioned Abdur Ravoof, a partner with Property Care.
But the action is on. River Side, a jumbo mall at Karapakkam near Chennai, when completed in the fourth quarter of 2008, would take up 11 lakh square feet of built-up space, including a mammoth parking area, according to industry sources. The mall is being set up at a cost of Rs 500 crore, with a Rs 100-crore loan from HUDCO. Marg Constructions, the project developer who has invested Rs 50 crore, is on the lookout for strategic investors to raise Rs 100 crore, and hopes to raise the rest through a mixture of debt and equity.
According to G R K Reddy, managing director, Marg Constructions, 30 per cent of the space at the new mall has already been booked. “The demand for organised retail in Chennai has been growing by leaps and bounds. Karapakkam is a good strategic location for our retail operations,” Reddy said.
Industry sources said the Fame Adlabs theatre chain, owned by Mumbai-based Shringar Cinemas, would start its south India operations with a four-screen multiplex at River Side.
Satyam, Inox and PVR, which have been operating theatre chains in Chennai, are likely to increase their footprint through these malls, along with new entrants such as Cinemax and Fame. While PVR is planning screens at the four lakh square feet Ampa Mall, Satyam is known to have leased space at the upcoming eight lakh square feet Express Mall, coming up on land formerly owned by Indian Express Group (Madurai). Westside is planning to set up flagship stores at both these malls once they become operational in mid-2008.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Swinging in her seventies
Asha Bhonsle turned 74 recently. Tracing her musical journey
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Living legend Asha Bhonsle
There are some artistes about whom you can write repeatedly and still have something to say. You never tire of reading about them. One such is Asha Bhonsle. The legend, who began her 75th year on September 8, still rocks. Her voice has not lost the f reshness it had when she sang her first song, a Marathi one, in 1943 or her first Hindi song “Saawan Aaya” in 1948.
Asha’s middle name is versatility. The Asha who hits that right romantic note with “Yeh reshami zulfon ka”, “Isharon isharon me”, the Westernised “Raat baki, baat baki” or “Kambakth ishq” can make a shayar swoon with her classical “Dil cheez kya hai”. Who can forget the voice that lent cult status to “Chura liya” and “Dum maro dum” or had everybody hum “Gunguna rahe hai bhawraen”? What about “Tanha tanha” picturised on the sultry Urmila Matondkar? And Asha was in her sixties when she sang that! The same voice could take people to great spiritual realms with bhajans in Marathi, be it “Kanadavo Vittala”, a saint Dyaneshwar poem or Marathi natya sangeet composed by her father Dinanath Mangeshkar.
Asha first tasted big success with “Naya Daur”, but her ability to sing Westernised tunes came to the fore with R.D. Burman’s work for the 1966 hit, “Teesri Manzil” (“O mere sona re”). In fact, the film’s hero Shammi Kapoor is believed to have said, “If I did not have Mohammad Rafi to sing for me, I would have got Asha Bhosle to do the job.”
Asha has reinvented herself at every stage. She refreshed her knowledge of intricate Hindustani bols and raags with Ustad Ali Akbar Khan and went on to do the album “Legacy” with him, which got her a Grammy nomination. She was game to work with international artistes such as Boy Zone, Michael Stripe, Code Red and even cricket’s poster boy-turned-singer Brett Lee. Of course, ghazals are second nature to her. She has sung in over 14 languages, including Tamil. What’s more, she even tried out the remix genre with “Rahul and I”. Starring in music videos, her classic saris, huge pearls and a 100-watt smile in place, this was a glamorous Asha keeping step with youngsters, and enjoying every moment of it.
Well, clichéd as it may sound, here’s an artiste who is as comfortable with ragas as she’s with riffs. Asha Bhonsle truly the original diva is still young at 74!
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Living legend Asha Bhonsle
There are some artistes about whom you can write repeatedly and still have something to say. You never tire of reading about them. One such is Asha Bhonsle. The legend, who began her 75th year on September 8, still rocks. Her voice has not lost the f reshness it had when she sang her first song, a Marathi one, in 1943 or her first Hindi song “Saawan Aaya” in 1948.
Asha’s middle name is versatility. The Asha who hits that right romantic note with “Yeh reshami zulfon ka”, “Isharon isharon me”, the Westernised “Raat baki, baat baki” or “Kambakth ishq” can make a shayar swoon with her classical “Dil cheez kya hai”. Who can forget the voice that lent cult status to “Chura liya” and “Dum maro dum” or had everybody hum “Gunguna rahe hai bhawraen”? What about “Tanha tanha” picturised on the sultry Urmila Matondkar? And Asha was in her sixties when she sang that! The same voice could take people to great spiritual realms with bhajans in Marathi, be it “Kanadavo Vittala”, a saint Dyaneshwar poem or Marathi natya sangeet composed by her father Dinanath Mangeshkar.
Asha first tasted big success with “Naya Daur”, but her ability to sing Westernised tunes came to the fore with R.D. Burman’s work for the 1966 hit, “Teesri Manzil” (“O mere sona re”). In fact, the film’s hero Shammi Kapoor is believed to have said, “If I did not have Mohammad Rafi to sing for me, I would have got Asha Bhosle to do the job.”
Asha has reinvented herself at every stage. She refreshed her knowledge of intricate Hindustani bols and raags with Ustad Ali Akbar Khan and went on to do the album “Legacy” with him, which got her a Grammy nomination. She was game to work with international artistes such as Boy Zone, Michael Stripe, Code Red and even cricket’s poster boy-turned-singer Brett Lee. Of course, ghazals are second nature to her. She has sung in over 14 languages, including Tamil. What’s more, she even tried out the remix genre with “Rahul and I”. Starring in music videos, her classic saris, huge pearls and a 100-watt smile in place, this was a glamorous Asha keeping step with youngsters, and enjoying every moment of it.
Well, clichéd as it may sound, here’s an artiste who is as comfortable with ragas as she’s with riffs. Asha Bhonsle truly the original diva is still young at 74!
Just for Laugh
A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."
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A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house
and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been
knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family
room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as
it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet
towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
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TWO COWS:
INDIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and a well. Each cow produces 5 litres of milk
each, and you sell 50 litres of milk per day.
KERALA SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and you employ four people at rates prescribed by
the unions to milk the cow. You have to provide them a basic salary,
DA, TA, medical benefits, provident fund, pension, etc. and your wife
milks the cow as your employees are on strike. Naturally, the
business would be unprofitable, but you can't sell the cows as it would lead
to a lockout of the production unit, which will lead to unemployment for
the four employees. So, you will go to Dubai to milk cows there and
provide salary to your employees and your wife would milk the cows
here.
DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them
in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell
off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit
and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100%
profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first
to attract attention.
QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one
realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you
go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows boobs in the
shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in
the first place.
SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the gov't decides to ban all
cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on
one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other or
to hire females and train to milk the cows ... the debate is still going
on.
BAHRAIN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Some high gov't official steals one, milks it,
sells the milk and pockets the profit. The gov't tells you there is just
one cow and not enough milk for the ppl. The ppl riot and scream death to
the govt and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for
11 month, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same
time so cut back on unemployment.
LEBANON SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled
by the gov't.
EGYPT SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!
ISRAEL SYSTEM:
You have no cows. You steal your neighbour's and say its yours.
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad
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Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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Cleaning the Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?" asked the grocer, curiously.
The boy replied, "I think it was the spin cycle in the washing machine...!"
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"மத்த டாக்டரெல்லாம், 100 ரூபாய் 200 ரூபாய்னு ஃபீஸ் வாங்கறப்போ- நீங்க மட்டும் முப்பது ரூபாய் வாங்கறீங்களே!"
"பி.காம் செகண்ட் இயர் படிச்சுட்டு, ப்ராக்டிஸ் பண்றதுக்கு இதுக்குமேல வாங்கறது நியாயமில்லையே!"
******
" நலம், நலம் அறிய ஆவலனு அரசர் அனுப்பிய ஓலைக்கு, எதிரி நாட்டு மன்னர் கோபமா பதில் அனுப்பியிருக்கார்"
"அப்படியா! என்ன அனுப்பினார்?"
" களம், களமறிய ஆவல்னு"
******
"நான் பாடினா- கேட்டுக்கிட்டே இருக்கலாம்"
"ஆமாம், எப்போது ஓடலாம்னு எல்லாரும் 'கேட்' டுக்கிட்டேதான் இருப்பாங்க"
******
"அவர் பல்டாக்டர் தானே!"
"எப்படிக் கண்டுபிடிச்சே?"
"மிதியடிலே 'பல்வரவு'ன்னு போட்டிருக்கே!"
******
"கல்யாணம் ஆனதிலேருந்து, எனக்கு அடிக்கடி உடம்பு சரியாயில்லே!"
"அப்போ, மண-நோயாளின்னு சொல்லுங்க!"
**
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அப்பா: டேய்..பக்கத்து வீட்டுல போய் சுத்தியல் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்க கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி..எதிர் வீட்டுல போய் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்களும் கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி விடு..சரியாண கஞ்சப்பசங்க...போயி நம்ம வீட்டுல இருக்கும் சுத்தியலைக் கொண்டு வா!!
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ஒரு ஏரோப்ளேனும் ராக்கெட்டும் அருகருகே செல்லும் போது ஏரோப்ளேன் ராக்கெட்டை பார்த்து இருவருக்கும் ஒரே எரிபொருள் தான் நிரப்புகிறார்கள். அதெப்படி நீ மட்டும் மிக வேகமாக செல்கிறாய் என்று கேட்டது. அதற்கு ராக்கெட், உனக்கும் பின்னாடி தீ வைத்தால் தெரியும் சேதி என்றது.
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math problems
on the floor?
JOHNNY: You asked me to solve them without using
tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how *I*
spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish
him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
JOHNNY: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
JOHNNY: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no
longer interested?
JOHNNY A Teacher
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Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
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An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to
Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need
some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Cheers!
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"
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வருடம் கி.பி 2046
சச்சின் டெண்டுல்கரும், சவுரவ் கங்குலியும் ஒரு பூங்காவில் உட்கார்ந்து பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கிறார்கள்.
திடீரென சச்சினுக்கு ஒரு சந்தேகம், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுவார்களா ? இருவரும் விவாதித்து விவாதித்து ஒரு முடிவுக்கு வர முடியவில்லை. எனவே இருவரும் ஒரு ஒப்பந்தத்துக்கு வந்தார்கள்.
இருவரில் யார் முதலில் இறக்கிறார்களோ அவர்கள் உயிரோடிருப்பவருக்கு தகவல் சொல்ல வேண்டும். சொர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாட்டு உண்டா இல்லையா என்று.
நாட்கள் நகர்ந்தன.
பாவம் சச்சின். மெக்ராத் பந்தில் கிளீன் போல்ட் ஆவது போல கனவு கண்டு மாரடைப்பில் ஒரு நாள் மரித்துப் போனார்.
கங்குலி அதே பூங்காவில் காத்திருந்தார். சச்சினின் தகவலுக்காக.
திடீரென்று ஒரு குரல்..
கங்குலி…கங்குலி….
அழைத்தது சச்சினே தான். பரவசமடைந்த கங்குலி வேக வேகமாகக் கேட்டான். சச்சின், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்களா ?
சச்சின் சொன்னார், உனக்குச் சொல்ல இரண்டு விஷயங்கள் இருக்கின்றன. ஒன்று நல்ல விஷயம் , இன்னொன்று கொஞ்சம் மோசமான விஷயம் தான்.
சரி சொல்லு, கங்குலி கேட்டான்
சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்கள். இது நல்ல செய்தி.
சரி மோசமான செய்தி என்ன ?
வரும் வெள்ளிக்கிழமை நீ தான் துவக்க ஆட்டக்காரர் !
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Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.
Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again
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புதிதாகக் கோடீசுவரரான ஒருவர் தம் பங்களாவில் மூன்று நீச்சல் குளங்கள் கட்டியிருந்தார்.
வந்த ஒருவர் "எதற்காக மூன்று?" என்று கேட்டார்?
"ஒன்று வெந்நீர் இன்னொன்று தண்ணீர், மூன்றாவது வெறுமையாக இருக்கும்" என்றார் கோடீசுவரர்.
"தண்ணீர் இல்லாமல் ஏன் வெறுமையாக நீச்சல் குளம் கட்டியிருக்கீங்க?" என்று கேட்டார் வந்தவர்.
"நீச்சல் தெரியாதவர்களுக்காக" என்று பதில் சொன்னார் அவர்
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The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."
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A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house
and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been
knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family
room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as
it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet
towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
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TWO COWS:
INDIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and a well. Each cow produces 5 litres of milk
each, and you sell 50 litres of milk per day.
KERALA SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and you employ four people at rates prescribed by
the unions to milk the cow. You have to provide them a basic salary,
DA, TA, medical benefits, provident fund, pension, etc. and your wife
milks the cow as your employees are on strike. Naturally, the
business would be unprofitable, but you can't sell the cows as it would lead
to a lockout of the production unit, which will lead to unemployment for
the four employees. So, you will go to Dubai to milk cows there and
provide salary to your employees and your wife would milk the cows
here.
DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them
in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell
off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit
and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100%
profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first
to attract attention.
QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one
realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you
go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows boobs in the
shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in
the first place.
SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the gov't decides to ban all
cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on
one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other or
to hire females and train to milk the cows ... the debate is still going
on.
BAHRAIN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Some high gov't official steals one, milks it,
sells the milk and pockets the profit. The gov't tells you there is just
one cow and not enough milk for the ppl. The ppl riot and scream death to
the govt and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for
11 month, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same
time so cut back on unemployment.
LEBANON SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled
by the gov't.
EGYPT SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!
ISRAEL SYSTEM:
You have no cows. You steal your neighbour's and say its yours.
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad
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Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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Cleaning the Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?" asked the grocer, curiously.
The boy replied, "I think it was the spin cycle in the washing machine...!"
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"மத்த டாக்டரெல்லாம், 100 ரூபாய் 200 ரூபாய்னு ஃபீஸ் வாங்கறப்போ- நீங்க மட்டும் முப்பது ரூபாய் வாங்கறீங்களே!"
"பி.காம் செகண்ட் இயர் படிச்சுட்டு, ப்ராக்டிஸ் பண்றதுக்கு இதுக்குமேல வாங்கறது நியாயமில்லையே!"
******
" நலம், நலம் அறிய ஆவலனு அரசர் அனுப்பிய ஓலைக்கு, எதிரி நாட்டு மன்னர் கோபமா பதில் அனுப்பியிருக்கார்"
"அப்படியா! என்ன அனுப்பினார்?"
" களம், களமறிய ஆவல்னு"
******
"நான் பாடினா- கேட்டுக்கிட்டே இருக்கலாம்"
"ஆமாம், எப்போது ஓடலாம்னு எல்லாரும் 'கேட்' டுக்கிட்டேதான் இருப்பாங்க"
******
"அவர் பல்டாக்டர் தானே!"
"எப்படிக் கண்டுபிடிச்சே?"
"மிதியடிலே 'பல்வரவு'ன்னு போட்டிருக்கே!"
******
"கல்யாணம் ஆனதிலேருந்து, எனக்கு அடிக்கடி உடம்பு சரியாயில்லே!"
"அப்போ, மண-நோயாளின்னு சொல்லுங்க!"
**
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அப்பா: டேய்..பக்கத்து வீட்டுல போய் சுத்தியல் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்க கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி..எதிர் வீட்டுல போய் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்களும் கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி விடு..சரியாண கஞ்சப்பசங்க...போயி நம்ம வீட்டுல இருக்கும் சுத்தியலைக் கொண்டு வா!!
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ஒரு ஏரோப்ளேனும் ராக்கெட்டும் அருகருகே செல்லும் போது ஏரோப்ளேன் ராக்கெட்டை பார்த்து இருவருக்கும் ஒரே எரிபொருள் தான் நிரப்புகிறார்கள். அதெப்படி நீ மட்டும் மிக வேகமாக செல்கிறாய் என்று கேட்டது. அதற்கு ராக்கெட், உனக்கும் பின்னாடி தீ வைத்தால் தெரியும் சேதி என்றது.
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math problems
on the floor?
JOHNNY: You asked me to solve them without using
tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how *I*
spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish
him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
JOHNNY: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
JOHNNY: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no
longer interested?
JOHNNY A Teacher
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Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
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An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to
Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need
some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Cheers!
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"
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வருடம் கி.பி 2046
சச்சின் டெண்டுல்கரும், சவுரவ் கங்குலியும் ஒரு பூங்காவில் உட்கார்ந்து பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கிறார்கள்.
திடீரென சச்சினுக்கு ஒரு சந்தேகம், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுவார்களா ? இருவரும் விவாதித்து விவாதித்து ஒரு முடிவுக்கு வர முடியவில்லை. எனவே இருவரும் ஒரு ஒப்பந்தத்துக்கு வந்தார்கள்.
இருவரில் யார் முதலில் இறக்கிறார்களோ அவர்கள் உயிரோடிருப்பவருக்கு தகவல் சொல்ல வேண்டும். சொர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாட்டு உண்டா இல்லையா என்று.
நாட்கள் நகர்ந்தன.
பாவம் சச்சின். மெக்ராத் பந்தில் கிளீன் போல்ட் ஆவது போல கனவு கண்டு மாரடைப்பில் ஒரு நாள் மரித்துப் போனார்.
கங்குலி அதே பூங்காவில் காத்திருந்தார். சச்சினின் தகவலுக்காக.
திடீரென்று ஒரு குரல்..
கங்குலி…கங்குலி….
அழைத்தது சச்சினே தான். பரவசமடைந்த கங்குலி வேக வேகமாகக் கேட்டான். சச்சின், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்களா ?
சச்சின் சொன்னார், உனக்குச் சொல்ல இரண்டு விஷயங்கள் இருக்கின்றன. ஒன்று நல்ல விஷயம் , இன்னொன்று கொஞ்சம் மோசமான விஷயம் தான்.
சரி சொல்லு, கங்குலி கேட்டான்
சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்கள். இது நல்ல செய்தி.
சரி மோசமான செய்தி என்ன ?
வரும் வெள்ளிக்கிழமை நீ தான் துவக்க ஆட்டக்காரர் !
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Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.
Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again
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புதிதாகக் கோடீசுவரரான ஒருவர் தம் பங்களாவில் மூன்று நீச்சல் குளங்கள் கட்டியிருந்தார்.
வந்த ஒருவர் "எதற்காக மூன்று?" என்று கேட்டார்?
"ஒன்று வெந்நீர் இன்னொன்று தண்ணீர், மூன்றாவது வெறுமையாக இருக்கும்" என்றார் கோடீசுவரர்.
"தண்ணீர் இல்லாமல் ஏன் வெறுமையாக நீச்சல் குளம் கட்டியிருக்கீங்க?" என்று கேட்டார் வந்தவர்.
"நீச்சல் தெரியாதவர்களுக்காக" என்று பதில் சொன்னார் அவர்
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