JOHANNESBURG, September 24: Mahendra Singh Dhoni's young Team India snatched the inaugural Twenty20 world title after defeating archrivals Pakistan by five runs in a rousing final on Monday.
The Indians, restricted to 157-5 after electing to take first strike in good batting conditions, fought back to bowl out valiant Pakistan for 152 before a sell-out crowd of 32,000 at the Wanderers.
Pakistan appeared out for the count when they were reduced to 104-7 after 16 overs, but Misbah-ul Haq gave the Indians a scare with a late charge of 43 off 38 balls. Misbah and his tail-end partners took 19 runs in the 18th over bowled by Shanthakumaran Sree Santh and seven runs in the 19th from Rudra Pratap Singh, leaving 13 to get off the final over.
Seamer Joginder Sharma bowled a wide off the first ball and was hammered for a six by Misbah with the second legitimate ball, but gave India victory with his next delivery as the batsman holed out to fine-leg. Rudra Pratap and Irfan Pathan claimed three wickets each as Pakistan's jinx of never having beaten India in a World Cup or world championship match continued.
Top Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan was at hand to witness India take home the winner's purse of 490,000 dollars while Pakistan received no prize money for their efforts in the final. It was a remarkable performance by the Indians who had played just one Twenty20 international before the tournament began.
India's innings was restricted by seamer Umar Gul who scalped three prize wickets of Yuvraj Singh, Dhoni and top-scorer Gautam Gambhir. Gambhir slammed 75 off 54 balls, studded with eight boundaries and two sixes, but none of the other batsmen settled in to play a long innings. The best partnership in the innings was between Gambhir and Yuvraj, who put on 63 for the third wicket.
India's total was boosted by Rohit Sharma and Irfan Pathan who plundered 27 runs in the final two overs. Sharma remained unbeaten on a 16-ball 30.
Pakistan's chase of the victory target of eight runs an over was launched by Imran Nazir who smashed 33 off 14 balls, taking 21 runs in the second over sent down by Sree Santh. But Pakistan lost three wickets by the sixth over as left-armer Rudra Pratap dismissed Mohammad Hafeez and Kamran Akmal in his first two overs and Nazir was run out by a direct throw from Robin Uthappa.
Pakistan took the total to 65-3 in the ninth over when three further wickets fell for 12 runs, two in one over from Irfan Pathan. Batting mainstay Younis Khan made 24 when he gave a catch to mid-on off Joginder Sharma and Irfan removed captain Shoaib Malik and Shahid Afridi in the 12th over.
Malik on-drove Pathan to Rohit Sharma at mid-wicket and Afridi, expected to provide the late fireworks, was caught in the deep off the first ball he faced.
India went into the match without aggressive opener Virender Sehwag who was ruled out of the key match with a thigh strain sustained during Saturday's semi-final against Australia in Durban.
Yousuf Pathan, elder brother of all-rounder Irfan Pathan who replaced Sehwag, made a dramatic start to his international career after being sent in to open the batting.
Pathan survived a run-out scare off the first ball of the match and smashed the fourth ball from Mohammad Asif over long-on for six.
timesofindia
Monday, September 24, 2007
Epic India-Pak clash on the cards in T20 final
Johannesburg: It is a colossal day for cricket on the sub-continent. What had seemed an event to test the waters in a new format of the game has taken epic proportions as famed adversaries India and Pakistan strive to become champions of the first ICC Twenty20 World Championship.
The stars have contrived to repair the damage done by their early exit from the World Cup in the West Indies and the two young sides have already done their bit in resurrecting the game that is known to be nothing short of a religion in their respective countries but took a beating earlier this year.
Seeing their run in this 12-team tournament, a fierce contest is definitely on the cards in the final to be played at the Wanderers on Monday afternoon.
India and Pakistan have both lost just one match each going into the final, India going down to New Zealand in a Super Eights match and Pakistan losing to India in a preliminary league tie that saw the first 'bowl out' of the championship.
But all that has happened in the past will matter for little, a point emphasized by skippers Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Shoaib Malik on the eve of the big day.
Rare India-Pak final:
This is only the second instance of India and Pakistan locking horns in the final of a world level event. But in contrast to the World Championship played in Australia in 1985, when banners like "tram drivers versus bus conductors" greeted them, they have great fan following here.
In fact, it was almost a home ground for India at Kingsmead in Durban when they vanquished Australia in the semi-finals, but that is not the kind of support they are likely to get here.
By surprisingly topping their part of the Super Eights league, India had ensured a semi-final at Durban, which proved to be a great advantage for them as they had played all but one of their outings there.
They now move out of their den to the Wanderers, where they lost to New Zealand by 10 runs.
A slight edge here and there:
Both teams have shown the kind of consistency that they are not exactly known for and it is just that wee bit here and there that separates the teams.
India have a slight edge in batting because most of their batsmen have chipped in at some time or the other with Yuvraj Singh being the pick of the lot with 134 runs in four matches (he missed one match) and an astounding strike rate of 235 with a world record 36 in an over to boast of.
Openers Gautam Gambhir and Virender Sehwag have ensured steady starts with Dhoni and Yuvraj doing the accelerating job, Robin Uthappa shining in patches, Rohit Sharma showing promise and Irfan Pathan lending some balance.
Pakistan have two of the most successful batsmen in the tournament with Malik (187) and Misbah-ul-Haq (175) scoring a heap of runs but which also suggests an over-dependence on these two.
Their third most successful batsman, the experienced Younis Khan has scored 103 thus far, not anywhere near the aggregates of Gambhir (152), Dhoni (148), Yuvraj (134) or Sehwag (133).
Cautious captains:
However, Dhoni said he did not believe in going by statistics, nor did he see any relevance of the past record of world level events in which Pakistan have never prevailed.
"Any batsman that gets set can be dangerous and any bowler who strikes rhythm can trouble you," he said on the eve of the match.
On the other hand, Pakistan have an edge in their bowling with Shahid Afridi (12 wickets), Umar Gul (10) and Mohammad Asif (nine) all showing superb abilities while India have generally struggled with their fifth bowler except for the Aussie outing.
Malik was wary of the Indian bowling and worried about India's batting.
"RP Singh and Sreesanth have been bowling well while Yuvraj's batting form is a worry for us. I have never seen him bat like he is doing right now," he said.
Friendlier turf for batting:
The pitch here is not likely to be as seamer-friendly as the one in Durban. One will have to wait and see to whose advantage that it eventually turns out to be.
India's bowlers did well because they used the windy conditions well while their batsmen may find it less disconcerting to take on a spicy Pakistan pace combination.
The average run-rate at the Wanderers has been 8.72 per over so far in the championship.
cricketnext.com
The stars have contrived to repair the damage done by their early exit from the World Cup in the West Indies and the two young sides have already done their bit in resurrecting the game that is known to be nothing short of a religion in their respective countries but took a beating earlier this year.
Seeing their run in this 12-team tournament, a fierce contest is definitely on the cards in the final to be played at the Wanderers on Monday afternoon.
India and Pakistan have both lost just one match each going into the final, India going down to New Zealand in a Super Eights match and Pakistan losing to India in a preliminary league tie that saw the first 'bowl out' of the championship.
But all that has happened in the past will matter for little, a point emphasized by skippers Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Shoaib Malik on the eve of the big day.
Rare India-Pak final:
This is only the second instance of India and Pakistan locking horns in the final of a world level event. But in contrast to the World Championship played in Australia in 1985, when banners like "tram drivers versus bus conductors" greeted them, they have great fan following here.
In fact, it was almost a home ground for India at Kingsmead in Durban when they vanquished Australia in the semi-finals, but that is not the kind of support they are likely to get here.
By surprisingly topping their part of the Super Eights league, India had ensured a semi-final at Durban, which proved to be a great advantage for them as they had played all but one of their outings there.
They now move out of their den to the Wanderers, where they lost to New Zealand by 10 runs.
A slight edge here and there:
Both teams have shown the kind of consistency that they are not exactly known for and it is just that wee bit here and there that separates the teams.
India have a slight edge in batting because most of their batsmen have chipped in at some time or the other with Yuvraj Singh being the pick of the lot with 134 runs in four matches (he missed one match) and an astounding strike rate of 235 with a world record 36 in an over to boast of.
Openers Gautam Gambhir and Virender Sehwag have ensured steady starts with Dhoni and Yuvraj doing the accelerating job, Robin Uthappa shining in patches, Rohit Sharma showing promise and Irfan Pathan lending some balance.
Pakistan have two of the most successful batsmen in the tournament with Malik (187) and Misbah-ul-Haq (175) scoring a heap of runs but which also suggests an over-dependence on these two.
Their third most successful batsman, the experienced Younis Khan has scored 103 thus far, not anywhere near the aggregates of Gambhir (152), Dhoni (148), Yuvraj (134) or Sehwag (133).
Cautious captains:
However, Dhoni said he did not believe in going by statistics, nor did he see any relevance of the past record of world level events in which Pakistan have never prevailed.
"Any batsman that gets set can be dangerous and any bowler who strikes rhythm can trouble you," he said on the eve of the match.
On the other hand, Pakistan have an edge in their bowling with Shahid Afridi (12 wickets), Umar Gul (10) and Mohammad Asif (nine) all showing superb abilities while India have generally struggled with their fifth bowler except for the Aussie outing.
Malik was wary of the Indian bowling and worried about India's batting.
"RP Singh and Sreesanth have been bowling well while Yuvraj's batting form is a worry for us. I have never seen him bat like he is doing right now," he said.
Friendlier turf for batting:
The pitch here is not likely to be as seamer-friendly as the one in Durban. One will have to wait and see to whose advantage that it eventually turns out to be.
India's bowlers did well because they used the windy conditions well while their batsmen may find it less disconcerting to take on a spicy Pakistan pace combination.
The average run-rate at the Wanderers has been 8.72 per over so far in the championship.
cricketnext.com
Sun goes on the blink on TV sets in Tamil Nadu
Monday September 24, 02:21 AM
The channel war between the powerful Sun TV Group, controlled by the Maran brothers, and the Kalaignar TV, launched with the blessings of Chief Minister and DMK chief M Karunanidhi, is taking an ugly turn. Since Friday, there have been reports that viewers at many places, including Chennai, have been deprived of the popular Sun TV channels.
The cable TV operators, particularly those backing Kalaignar TV, raised the war cry after a full-page advertisement appeared on Friday in the local newspapers about the Sun TV Group's Direct-to-Home service. Sun Direct is offering 75 television channels, besides 15 radio stations, for just Rs 75 as monthly fee.
Former Union Minister Dayanidhi Maran, who has now assumed responsibility as Chief Executive Officer of the family-owned Dinakaran, told The Indian Express that "certain people who want to promote their own channel (read promoters of Kalaignar TV)" were behind the "harassment" and were instigating operators.
A virtual riot broke out in Chennai and some districts of Tamil Nadu, with cable TV operators setting fire to the copies of the Sun TV advertisement. The operators insist that the monthly fee being charged by the DTH was "too low" and would affect their revenue. They claim it is "stifling" the last mile cable operators. Representatives of Tamizhaga Cable TV Operators' General Welfare Association (TCOA), comprising last mile operators, threatened to black out Sun channels and launch their own control room networks by snapping business links with Sumangali Cable Vision, the multi system operator run by Sun network. The operators have threatened a state-wide fast on Monday to urge the Government to initiate action against the Sun TV Group for "misleading people" about the DTH service.
The most affected was Madurai district, controlled by M K Azhagiri, the Chief Minister's son. Maran confirmed that Sun TV signals were switched off in most parts of Madurai. On Friday, police also swooped down on 50 Sun Direct DTH distributors in the district and picked them up, but have not provided any reason for their detention.
In Chennai, protesting operators went on the rampage tearing down advertisement banners put up by some distributors of Sun Direct at their offices. The advertisement invited subscribers to avail an offer before September 30, which includes a free dish antenna, a set top box and two months' subscription free. The subscriber would have to pay an installation charge of Rs 999 and a service charge of Rs 100.
Presently, the Sun TV bouquet costs a subscriber Rs 100 per month, which includes the 15 Sun TV channels and the various English news and local regional channels. "We want to give people a better option. That is why we are offering the DTH services. If we charge a monthly fee of Rs 150 as the cable TV operators are demanding, then how can our DTH be a better option?" said Maran.
Cable TV operators said they had switched off signals of the Sun bouquet from Friday in several districts including Madurai, Tirunelveli, Theni, Pudukkottai, Ramnad, Villupuram and Cuddalore. "Cable TV operators cannot operate on such a low fee. At least the Government should consider imposing a tax like it is done in Maharashtra and Uttar Pradesh," said Kayal R S Ilavarasu, the state president of Tamil Nadu Cable TV Urimaiyalargal Sangam.
Sun TV Group sources, however, said subscribers in only the Madurai region were being deprived of the Sun TV channels. They blamed cable TV operators loyal to Azhagiri for it. "We are trying to make the DTH service popular and giving subscribers more flexibility," said Maran.
In the news room too, Kalaignar TV has declared war. After its news bulletin from 1 pm to 1.30 pm, the channel telecasts a new Tamil film. It clashes with the popular news capsule of Sun TV, which begins at 1.30 pm. "We have now introduced a brief capsule which just announces the news headlines at 2 pm," said Maran.
The war is bound to turn uglier once the DMK Government-run Arasu Cable TV Corporation begins operations.
Indian Express
The channel war between the powerful Sun TV Group, controlled by the Maran brothers, and the Kalaignar TV, launched with the blessings of Chief Minister and DMK chief M Karunanidhi, is taking an ugly turn. Since Friday, there have been reports that viewers at many places, including Chennai, have been deprived of the popular Sun TV channels.
The cable TV operators, particularly those backing Kalaignar TV, raised the war cry after a full-page advertisement appeared on Friday in the local newspapers about the Sun TV Group's Direct-to-Home service. Sun Direct is offering 75 television channels, besides 15 radio stations, for just Rs 75 as monthly fee.
Former Union Minister Dayanidhi Maran, who has now assumed responsibility as Chief Executive Officer of the family-owned Dinakaran, told The Indian Express that "certain people who want to promote their own channel (read promoters of Kalaignar TV)" were behind the "harassment" and were instigating operators.
A virtual riot broke out in Chennai and some districts of Tamil Nadu, with cable TV operators setting fire to the copies of the Sun TV advertisement. The operators insist that the monthly fee being charged by the DTH was "too low" and would affect their revenue. They claim it is "stifling" the last mile cable operators. Representatives of Tamizhaga Cable TV Operators' General Welfare Association (TCOA), comprising last mile operators, threatened to black out Sun channels and launch their own control room networks by snapping business links with Sumangali Cable Vision, the multi system operator run by Sun network. The operators have threatened a state-wide fast on Monday to urge the Government to initiate action against the Sun TV Group for "misleading people" about the DTH service.
The most affected was Madurai district, controlled by M K Azhagiri, the Chief Minister's son. Maran confirmed that Sun TV signals were switched off in most parts of Madurai. On Friday, police also swooped down on 50 Sun Direct DTH distributors in the district and picked them up, but have not provided any reason for their detention.
In Chennai, protesting operators went on the rampage tearing down advertisement banners put up by some distributors of Sun Direct at their offices. The advertisement invited subscribers to avail an offer before September 30, which includes a free dish antenna, a set top box and two months' subscription free. The subscriber would have to pay an installation charge of Rs 999 and a service charge of Rs 100.
Presently, the Sun TV bouquet costs a subscriber Rs 100 per month, which includes the 15 Sun TV channels and the various English news and local regional channels. "We want to give people a better option. That is why we are offering the DTH services. If we charge a monthly fee of Rs 150 as the cable TV operators are demanding, then how can our DTH be a better option?" said Maran.
Cable TV operators said they had switched off signals of the Sun bouquet from Friday in several districts including Madurai, Tirunelveli, Theni, Pudukkottai, Ramnad, Villupuram and Cuddalore. "Cable TV operators cannot operate on such a low fee. At least the Government should consider imposing a tax like it is done in Maharashtra and Uttar Pradesh," said Kayal R S Ilavarasu, the state president of Tamil Nadu Cable TV Urimaiyalargal Sangam.
Sun TV Group sources, however, said subscribers in only the Madurai region were being deprived of the Sun TV channels. They blamed cable TV operators loyal to Azhagiri for it. "We are trying to make the DTH service popular and giving subscribers more flexibility," said Maran.
In the news room too, Kalaignar TV has declared war. After its news bulletin from 1 pm to 1.30 pm, the channel telecasts a new Tamil film. It clashes with the popular news capsule of Sun TV, which begins at 1.30 pm. "We have now introduced a brief capsule which just announces the news headlines at 2 pm," said Maran.
The war is bound to turn uglier once the DMK Government-run Arasu Cable TV Corporation begins operations.
Indian Express
Sunday, September 23, 2007
More sardar jokes!!!!!!!!!!
Sardarji on KBC 2
Amitabh : apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne..
Contestant Sardar is tensed.
Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?
Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?
(He is quite sure that Sardar will opt for A)
But Sardar is still confused.
Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..(50:50 and phone a friend)
Sardar: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Sardar : I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..
Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Sardar is even more confused.
Sardar: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Sardar : Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.
Amitabh Bachchan Shocked !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan
Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"
Receiving reply from JAYA, Amitabh Bachan faints..
GUESS WHY?
Scroll Down
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jaya Bachchan ask's him "What are the options?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened.
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked", his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardars entry in the heaven
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
DharamRaj lets him in without another word.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
A: Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was this news that 200 sardars are killed in a train accident at the station. Only one Sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to the Sardarji and the conversation between them goes as follows: Correspondent: How did this happen?
Sardarji: Well, all the 200 people were waiting for the train. They were standing on the platform. Then there was this announcement that the train is arriving on platform number 2. They got scared to know that the train is arriving on the platform and hence they jumped onto the tracks to save themselves, The announcement was misleading the train arrived on the track and you can see the result.
Correspondent: Well, I guess, you must be the intelligent Sardarji. Why did you not jump onto the tracks?
Sardarji: I was actually trying to commit suicide. I was waiting for the train on the tracks. When I heard that the train is arriving on the platform, I climbed up
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns an apple shop in US.
One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere.
He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.
Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples.
A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound.
Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.
Sardarji replied, some are some are not.
Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station.
Sardarji replied, if you will not take me some body else will".
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thats all today!!!!!
Amitabh : apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne..
Contestant Sardar is tensed.
Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?
Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?
(He is quite sure that Sardar will opt for A)
But Sardar is still confused.
Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..(50:50 and phone a friend)
Sardar: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Sardar : I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..
Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Sardar is even more confused.
Sardar: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Sardar : Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.
Amitabh Bachchan Shocked !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan
Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"
Receiving reply from JAYA, Amitabh Bachan faints..
GUESS WHY?
Scroll Down
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jaya Bachchan ask's him "What are the options?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened.
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked", his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardars entry in the heaven
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
DharamRaj lets him in without another word.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
A: Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was this news that 200 sardars are killed in a train accident at the station. Only one Sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to the Sardarji and the conversation between them goes as follows: Correspondent: How did this happen?
Sardarji: Well, all the 200 people were waiting for the train. They were standing on the platform. Then there was this announcement that the train is arriving on platform number 2. They got scared to know that the train is arriving on the platform and hence they jumped onto the tracks to save themselves, The announcement was misleading the train arrived on the track and you can see the result.
Correspondent: Well, I guess, you must be the intelligent Sardarji. Why did you not jump onto the tracks?
Sardarji: I was actually trying to commit suicide. I was waiting for the train on the tracks. When I heard that the train is arriving on the platform, I climbed up
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns an apple shop in US.
One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere.
He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.
Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples.
A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound.
Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.
Sardarji replied, some are some are not.
Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station.
Sardarji replied, if you will not take me some body else will".
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thats all today!!!!!
Instant Payasam
Ingredients: 1/2 litre milk
100 gm rice - broken rice
100 gm sugar
cardamom powder-1 tea spoon
Method: Take a stainless steel vessel that will fit in a pressure cooker.
Mix all the above ingredients in the steel container and Close the container with a plate. Pressure cook it.
Keep the flame in high till the first whistle comes, then reduce it to min and allow it to cook for 15 mins. Payasam is ready to be served.Garnish with cashews and pista.
100 gm rice - broken rice
100 gm sugar
cardamom powder-1 tea spoon
Method: Take a stainless steel vessel that will fit in a pressure cooker.
Mix all the above ingredients in the steel container and Close the container with a plate. Pressure cook it.
Keep the flame in high till the first whistle comes, then reduce it to min and allow it to cook for 15 mins. Payasam is ready to be served.Garnish with cashews and pista.
Prashant Tamang is new Indian Idol
New Delhi: The months turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into days and then, it was all a matter of hours. Pranshant Tamang took on Shillong's Amit Paul to be the third Indian Idol on Sunday night.
Minutes before the grand finale of the talent hunt contest Indian Idol began in the Capital on Sunday, fans rooted for their favourites.
But the judges were clear they wanted to see Amit Paul as the new idol.
“I would have preferred Amit Paul,” said lyricist and one of the judges of Indian Idol, Javed Akhtar.
Playback singer and an Indian Idol judge, Alisha Chinai agreed with Javed Akhtar in the choice of the winner. “Amit Paul,” the singer said.
However, Playback singer and also a judge of the talent hunt contest, said, “Both are equally talented and are winners.”
But the people's verdict was different from that of the judges. Prashant Tamang, a constable in the West Bengal Police, was declared the winner Indian Idol after he pipped his rival Amit Paul in a grand finale.
The decision was swayed by over seven crore votes - sent by people from all over the country - to select India's next singing sensation.
So after a well and truly hard fought battle, it was Prashant Tamang - the underdog - the boy from Darjeeling, who was crowned Indian Idol.
The crown brings with it a lot of perks including a winner’s booty of Rs 1 crore, a year's contract with Sony and a Maruti SX-4.
“I am very happy that I am the Indian Idol today. I always dreamt I will be very famous,” said Prashant.
“He is a very nice guy. I am very happy that he is the Indian Idol,” said Amit Paul.
And as the teary-eyed 24-year-old Tamang thanked his mother and the police force for allowing him to participate in the contest, the hills of his hometown Darjeeling echoed with sounds of jubilation.
ibnlive.com
Minutes before the grand finale of the talent hunt contest Indian Idol began in the Capital on Sunday, fans rooted for their favourites.
But the judges were clear they wanted to see Amit Paul as the new idol.
“I would have preferred Amit Paul,” said lyricist and one of the judges of Indian Idol, Javed Akhtar.
Playback singer and an Indian Idol judge, Alisha Chinai agreed with Javed Akhtar in the choice of the winner. “Amit Paul,” the singer said.
However, Playback singer and also a judge of the talent hunt contest, said, “Both are equally talented and are winners.”
But the people's verdict was different from that of the judges. Prashant Tamang, a constable in the West Bengal Police, was declared the winner Indian Idol after he pipped his rival Amit Paul in a grand finale.
The decision was swayed by over seven crore votes - sent by people from all over the country - to select India's next singing sensation.
So after a well and truly hard fought battle, it was Prashant Tamang - the underdog - the boy from Darjeeling, who was crowned Indian Idol.
The crown brings with it a lot of perks including a winner’s booty of Rs 1 crore, a year's contract with Sony and a Maruti SX-4.
“I am very happy that I am the Indian Idol today. I always dreamt I will be very famous,” said Prashant.
“He is a very nice guy. I am very happy that he is the Indian Idol,” said Amit Paul.
And as the teary-eyed 24-year-old Tamang thanked his mother and the police force for allowing him to participate in the contest, the hills of his hometown Darjeeling echoed with sounds of jubilation.
ibnlive.com
பிரதோஷ வழிபாடு செய்யுங்கள்!
பிரதோஷத்தின் போது வழிபாடு செய்தால் வறுமை,பயம், பாவம், மரண வேதனை இவைகள் எல்லாம் விலகும். நன்மைகள் பலவிளையும். இது கடம்பவன புராணத்தில் கூறப்பட்டுள்ளது.
பிரதோஷ நேரம் மாலை 4.30 மணி முதல் 6.00 மணிவரை உள்ள காலம். வளர்பிறை, தேய்பிறை என்ற இரண்டு பட்சங்களிலும் வரும் திரயோதசி திதியன்று பிரதோஷ வழிபாடு நடைபெறுகிறது.
சனிக்கிழமை பிரதோஷம் வந்தால் மிகச் சிறப்பு. சனிப்பிரதோஷ நேரத்தில் சிவாலய வழிபாடு செய்தால் ஐந்து ஆண்டுகள் ஆலய வழிபாடு செய்த பலன் கிடைக்குமாம்.
பிரதோஷ நேரத்தில் ரிஷப தேவருக்கு அருகம்புல் மாலை அணிவித்தும் சிவப்பு அரிசி, நெய்விளக்கு வைத்தும் வழிபட்டால் நலம்.
பிரதோஷத்தன்று ரிஷபதேவரின் இரண்டு கொம்புகளுக்கிடையே சிவலிங்கத்தை கண்டு வணஙகினால் நன்மை பயக்கும்.
(மூலம் - வெப்துனியா)
பிரதோஷ நேரம் மாலை 4.30 மணி முதல் 6.00 மணிவரை உள்ள காலம். வளர்பிறை, தேய்பிறை என்ற இரண்டு பட்சங்களிலும் வரும் திரயோதசி திதியன்று பிரதோஷ வழிபாடு நடைபெறுகிறது.
சனிக்கிழமை பிரதோஷம் வந்தால் மிகச் சிறப்பு. சனிப்பிரதோஷ நேரத்தில் சிவாலய வழிபாடு செய்தால் ஐந்து ஆண்டுகள் ஆலய வழிபாடு செய்த பலன் கிடைக்குமாம்.
பிரதோஷ நேரத்தில் ரிஷப தேவருக்கு அருகம்புல் மாலை அணிவித்தும் சிவப்பு அரிசி, நெய்விளக்கு வைத்தும் வழிபட்டால் நலம்.
பிரதோஷத்தன்று ரிஷபதேவரின் இரண்டு கொம்புகளுக்கிடையே சிவலிங்கத்தை கண்டு வணஙகினால் நன்மை பயக்கும்.
(மூலம் - வெப்துனியா)
India ready for biggest match, says Dhoni
Reuters Sunday, September 23, 2007 2:48:49 AM
Durban: Captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni said India were ready for their "biggest match" after they reached the final of the ICC World Twenty20 on Saturday.
India beat Australia by 15 runs in their semi-final to set up a showdown with traditional rivals Pakistan in Johannesburg on Monday.
"It's the biggest stage and the biggest match you can play," Dhoni told a news conference.
"It's a match that needs to be played with intensity and I think we are ready to do that."
Despite the interest that will be generated by the match in the sub-continent, Dhoni said the Indians would not feel the pressure.
"The pressure will be immense, not on us though because I don't believe in taking pressure and none of my team do either," Dhoni said.
"Taking the pressure on board will not help you perform. It will bring down your confidence."
Yuvraj Singh, who spurred India to victory with an aggressive 70 off 30 balls, agreed with his captain.
"India versus Pakistan is a dream final, the whole world is going to be watching," Yuvraj said.
Australia, champions of the 50-over World Cup earlier this year, have dominated world cricket for more than a decade but on Saturday they were left to dwell on a rare defeat.
"We'll go away and talk about it, we'll realise this format is probably going to have a big impact on world cricket," Gilchrist told a news conference. "We need to analyse and put some thought into it.
"There's no-one up there in our dressing room who doesn't care about it.
"It's annoying and frustrating if you go into a competition hoping to win it and you don't."
Durban: Captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni said India were ready for their "biggest match" after they reached the final of the ICC World Twenty20 on Saturday.
India beat Australia by 15 runs in their semi-final to set up a showdown with traditional rivals Pakistan in Johannesburg on Monday.
"It's the biggest stage and the biggest match you can play," Dhoni told a news conference.
"It's a match that needs to be played with intensity and I think we are ready to do that."
Despite the interest that will be generated by the match in the sub-continent, Dhoni said the Indians would not feel the pressure.
"The pressure will be immense, not on us though because I don't believe in taking pressure and none of my team do either," Dhoni said.
"Taking the pressure on board will not help you perform. It will bring down your confidence."
Yuvraj Singh, who spurred India to victory with an aggressive 70 off 30 balls, agreed with his captain.
"India versus Pakistan is a dream final, the whole world is going to be watching," Yuvraj said.
Australia, champions of the 50-over World Cup earlier this year, have dominated world cricket for more than a decade but on Saturday they were left to dwell on a rare defeat.
"We'll go away and talk about it, we'll realise this format is probably going to have a big impact on world cricket," Gilchrist told a news conference. "We need to analyse and put some thought into it.
"There's no-one up there in our dressing room who doesn't care about it.
"It's annoying and frustrating if you go into a competition hoping to win it and you don't."
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Did Lord Ram exist?
By IBNlive.com
Sunday September 23, 03:32 AM
New Delhi: Did Ram exist or not? The question has overshadowed the real debate in Chennai and in Delhi. And once again, it’s up to the Supreme Court to dig up the answers.
The Supreme Court is currently examining all the six petitions against the Sethu Samudram project pending before various high courts, then object to the project on religious and environmental grounds.
“Today Sri Ram has won. The centre has bowed down to the Supreme Court accepting that the Sethu Samudram canal project can hurt the sentiments of millions of Hindus,” said BJP President Subramanyam Swamy.
The ASI…exceeded its brief… declaring Ram a myth.. saying the Ram Sethu was not man-made… and that the Ramayan… was not a historical record...
A red-faced faced Central Government has now sought 3 months to try and resolve the issue.
“Ram is an integral part of the lives of the Hindus of this country and it cannot be alienated from our ethos. We have decided to file a supplementary affidavit and litigation,” said Union Law Minister H R Bharadwaj.
But the UPA's troubles aren't over. Shipping Minister and senior DMK leader, T.R.Baalu wants the dredging at the canal site to carry on.
Many years ago politicians realized that Ram was a risky business and called upon the courts to decide the Babery dispute, Now that the Adam’s bridge is in the eye of a storm, the UPA does not wants its government to sink and has called on the court to take a final call.
We brought you a range of perspectives but some questions remain unanswered. For instance will the Sethu Samudram project destroy the fragile marine economy of the region? Will it end up being a white elephant? And most importantly will the government be able to negotiate the tricky question of faith associated with the narrow stretches of water?
Sunday September 23, 03:32 AM
New Delhi: Did Ram exist or not? The question has overshadowed the real debate in Chennai and in Delhi. And once again, it’s up to the Supreme Court to dig up the answers.
The Supreme Court is currently examining all the six petitions against the Sethu Samudram project pending before various high courts, then object to the project on religious and environmental grounds.
“Today Sri Ram has won. The centre has bowed down to the Supreme Court accepting that the Sethu Samudram canal project can hurt the sentiments of millions of Hindus,” said BJP President Subramanyam Swamy.
The ASI…exceeded its brief… declaring Ram a myth.. saying the Ram Sethu was not man-made… and that the Ramayan… was not a historical record...
A red-faced faced Central Government has now sought 3 months to try and resolve the issue.
“Ram is an integral part of the lives of the Hindus of this country and it cannot be alienated from our ethos. We have decided to file a supplementary affidavit and litigation,” said Union Law Minister H R Bharadwaj.
But the UPA's troubles aren't over. Shipping Minister and senior DMK leader, T.R.Baalu wants the dredging at the canal site to carry on.
Many years ago politicians realized that Ram was a risky business and called upon the courts to decide the Babery dispute, Now that the Adam’s bridge is in the eye of a storm, the UPA does not wants its government to sink and has called on the court to take a final call.
We brought you a range of perspectives but some questions remain unanswered. For instance will the Sethu Samudram project destroy the fragile marine economy of the region? Will it end up being a white elephant? And most importantly will the government be able to negotiate the tricky question of faith associated with the narrow stretches of water?
Friday, September 21, 2007
Four Indian-Americans in Forbes richest list
September 22, 2007 10:47 IST
Four Indian Americans have made it to the Forbes list of richest Americans this year. They are acoustics pioneer Amar Bose, Google founder director Kavitark Shriram, venture capitalist Vinod Khosla and Bharat Desai, CEO of an info-tech outsourcing firm.
The 77-year-old Sultan of sound, Amar Bose, shares the 271st place in the list with the founder director of Google Kavitark Shriram, with a net worth of US$ 1.8 billion.
Both Bose and Shriram shared the 242nd spot last year. Though they rank lower on the list this year, their personal fortunes have gone up from US$ 1.5 billion to US$ 1.8 billion.
Bose, an acoustics pioneer, formed his firm 43 years ago, which today thrives on the latest in iPod speaker docks, home theatre systems, noise-killing headphones, with a sale of US$ 2 billion.
Fifty-one-year-old Kavitark Shriram, an India-born financier, is an early investor and a board member of Google who owns 1.7 million shares worth US$ 870 million.
Another NRI Bharat Desai and his wife Neerja Sethi, founders of an info-tech outsourcing firm Syntel, have been ranked 286th with a fortune of US$1.7 billion in the list.
Venture capitalist Vinod Khosla, who has appeared in the list frequently, is ranked 317th this year with a net worth of US$ 1.5 billion.
Desai, who was born in Kenya but moved to India at the age of 11, has studied engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology and worked with the Tata Consultancy Services [Get Quote] in 1976.
Desai earned a MBA from the University of Michigan and founded info-tech outsourcing firm Syntel with his wife Neerja Sethil. He is also an international level bridge player and has represented India in the 1995 world championship.
Bose, who started repairing radios in high school to help his family after his father's import business was hit by World War II, earned a PhD in electrical engineering from Massachusetts Institute of Technology and started research in hi-fi sound.
He founded Bose Corp in 1964 and won contracts with NASA and the US military to improve radio communications. His brand is known for its groundbreaking loudspeaker design and he presently owns 60 per cent stake in the company.
Khosla, 52, studied engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology, did his Masters in biomedical at Carnegie Mellon and MBA at Stanford.
He co-founded Daisy Systems, an electronic design automation company, in the early 1980s. Khosla then joined Andy von Bechtolsheim, Scott McNealy and Bill Joy to form Sun Microsystems.
After being the chief executive of the company for a short stint, he turned into a full-time investor in 1986. In 2004, he formed Khosla Ventures to fund research projects.
The price of admission to America's most exclusive club is now US$1.3 billion, instead of a billion. America had a record 313 billionaires this year, up from 262 last year, according to the list published in Forbes
Four Indian Americans have made it to the Forbes list of richest Americans this year. They are acoustics pioneer Amar Bose, Google founder director Kavitark Shriram, venture capitalist Vinod Khosla and Bharat Desai, CEO of an info-tech outsourcing firm.
The 77-year-old Sultan of sound, Amar Bose, shares the 271st place in the list with the founder director of Google Kavitark Shriram, with a net worth of US$ 1.8 billion.
Both Bose and Shriram shared the 242nd spot last year. Though they rank lower on the list this year, their personal fortunes have gone up from US$ 1.5 billion to US$ 1.8 billion.
Bose, an acoustics pioneer, formed his firm 43 years ago, which today thrives on the latest in iPod speaker docks, home theatre systems, noise-killing headphones, with a sale of US$ 2 billion.
Fifty-one-year-old Kavitark Shriram, an India-born financier, is an early investor and a board member of Google who owns 1.7 million shares worth US$ 870 million.
Another NRI Bharat Desai and his wife Neerja Sethi, founders of an info-tech outsourcing firm Syntel, have been ranked 286th with a fortune of US$1.7 billion in the list.
Venture capitalist Vinod Khosla, who has appeared in the list frequently, is ranked 317th this year with a net worth of US$ 1.5 billion.
Desai, who was born in Kenya but moved to India at the age of 11, has studied engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology and worked with the Tata Consultancy Services [Get Quote] in 1976.
Desai earned a MBA from the University of Michigan and founded info-tech outsourcing firm Syntel with his wife Neerja Sethil. He is also an international level bridge player and has represented India in the 1995 world championship.
Bose, who started repairing radios in high school to help his family after his father's import business was hit by World War II, earned a PhD in electrical engineering from Massachusetts Institute of Technology and started research in hi-fi sound.
He founded Bose Corp in 1964 and won contracts with NASA and the US military to improve radio communications. His brand is known for its groundbreaking loudspeaker design and he presently owns 60 per cent stake in the company.
Khosla, 52, studied engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology, did his Masters in biomedical at Carnegie Mellon and MBA at Stanford.
He co-founded Daisy Systems, an electronic design automation company, in the early 1980s. Khosla then joined Andy von Bechtolsheim, Scott McNealy and Bill Joy to form Sun Microsystems.
After being the chief executive of the company for a short stint, he turned into a full-time investor in 1986. In 2004, he formed Khosla Ventures to fund research projects.
The price of admission to America's most exclusive club is now US$1.3 billion, instead of a billion. America had a record 313 billionaires this year, up from 262 last year, according to the list published in Forbes
On 100th day of Sivaji, the Boss still rules
New Delhi: The Boss continues to rule. The Rajnikanth starrer blockbuster Sivaji - The Boss which released in June this year, is set to complete its 100th day on Saturday in 111 theatres in India and abroad.
The Tamil superstar's fans are planning celebrations to mark the occasion for the 100th day of the film, which is the first in the history of regional cinema to go beyond the Tamil-speaking audience and make its presence felt pan-India and beyond.
The film was released in 235 theatres across Tamil Nadu and as many screens outside the state on June 15.
"Around 102 theatres in Tamil Nadu will celebrate the 100th day of
screening the movie on Saturday," news agency PTI quoted AVM Productions CEO S C Babu as saying.
"The film is still running in almost 10 to 20 per cent of the theatres it which it was released outside Tamil Nadu, especially in Kerala and Karnataka," Babu added.
A Mumbai theatre will mark the 100th day of the blockbuster on Saturday. As for outside India, the film will complete 100 days in six theatres in Malaysia, two in Sri Lanka and one in Singapore.
Rajnikanth, who has a huge following in Tamil Nadu and abroad, broke records for collections by a Tamil film not only in India but also abroad.
The film is still collecting 7,000 pounds a week in a theatre in Britain and there are a lot of inquiries for the rights to dub the film in Malay, Chinese and Japanese.
In June, Rajinikanth fans, angry at the cancellation of the screening of the film went on rampage at over 10 theatres in Malaysia.
Back at home, the film runs to a packed hall even after so many days since its release.
"Even now, with the film nearing its 100th day, almost 60 per cent of the 948 seats get filled during weekdays and 100 per cent during weekends,” vice-president of Chenna’s Sathyam Cinemas was quoted by PTI as saying.
"The distributor's share for Sivaji - The Boss in a single theatre in Chennai was Rs 1.55 crore, which is an all-time record for the state,” Munikanniah added.
But unlike fans, who have planned a grand celebration outside theatres in Bangalore and Malaysia, the film's producers have no plans for celebrations. They feel the film is running very strong even now and don't want to spoil it by celebrating the 100th day.
THE SIVAJI PHENOMENON Sivaji opened with a record 600-plus prints in Tamil alone. A 160 prints were distributed in the US, the UK, Malaysia, Singapore and Australia. Over 320 prints were released in Telugu for Andhra Pradesh.
IBNLive.com
The Tamil superstar's fans are planning celebrations to mark the occasion for the 100th day of the film, which is the first in the history of regional cinema to go beyond the Tamil-speaking audience and make its presence felt pan-India and beyond.
The film was released in 235 theatres across Tamil Nadu and as many screens outside the state on June 15.
"Around 102 theatres in Tamil Nadu will celebrate the 100th day of
screening the movie on Saturday," news agency PTI quoted AVM Productions CEO S C Babu as saying.
"The film is still running in almost 10 to 20 per cent of the theatres it which it was released outside Tamil Nadu, especially in Kerala and Karnataka," Babu added.
A Mumbai theatre will mark the 100th day of the blockbuster on Saturday. As for outside India, the film will complete 100 days in six theatres in Malaysia, two in Sri Lanka and one in Singapore.
Rajnikanth, who has a huge following in Tamil Nadu and abroad, broke records for collections by a Tamil film not only in India but also abroad.
The film is still collecting 7,000 pounds a week in a theatre in Britain and there are a lot of inquiries for the rights to dub the film in Malay, Chinese and Japanese.
In June, Rajinikanth fans, angry at the cancellation of the screening of the film went on rampage at over 10 theatres in Malaysia.
Back at home, the film runs to a packed hall even after so many days since its release.
"Even now, with the film nearing its 100th day, almost 60 per cent of the 948 seats get filled during weekdays and 100 per cent during weekends,” vice-president of Chenna’s Sathyam Cinemas was quoted by PTI as saying.
"The distributor's share for Sivaji - The Boss in a single theatre in Chennai was Rs 1.55 crore, which is an all-time record for the state,” Munikanniah added.
But unlike fans, who have planned a grand celebration outside theatres in Bangalore and Malaysia, the film's producers have no plans for celebrations. They feel the film is running very strong even now and don't want to spoil it by celebrating the 100th day.
THE SIVAJI PHENOMENON Sivaji opened with a record 600-plus prints in Tamil alone. A 160 prints were distributed in the US, the UK, Malaysia, Singapore and Australia. Over 320 prints were released in Telugu for Andhra Pradesh.
IBNLive.com
Bread Pulao
Ingrediants:
8 pieces of bread slices
Potato 1
Tomato 1
Curry leaves
Mustard
Hing
Salt
Pepper
Ghee 2 Tbspn
A little butter
Juice of one lime
Coriander
Method
Cut the bread slices into small squares (4 by 4 should be good) and keep aside.
Boil the potato.
Cut the potato and the tomato into small pieces.
Heat some ghee in a kadai and add seasoning- mustard seeds, hing and curry leaves.
Add potato. Fry it for sometime.
Add some lemon juice, salt, little pepper and some butter.
After you fry this for sometime, add the tomato. Fry it again for sometime.
Add the bread slices and mix well.
Allow it to cook for sometime.
Garnish it with coriander.
8 pieces of bread slices
Potato 1
Tomato 1
Curry leaves
Mustard
Hing
Salt
Pepper
Ghee 2 Tbspn
A little butter
Juice of one lime
Coriander
Method
Cut the bread slices into small squares (4 by 4 should be good) and keep aside.
Boil the potato.
Cut the potato and the tomato into small pieces.
Heat some ghee in a kadai and add seasoning- mustard seeds, hing and curry leaves.
Add potato. Fry it for sometime.
Add some lemon juice, salt, little pepper and some butter.
After you fry this for sometime, add the tomato. Fry it again for sometime.
Add the bread slices and mix well.
Allow it to cook for sometime.
Garnish it with coriander.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
IT JOKES!!!!!!
Consultants
A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one to the left costs $500," says the storeowner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey.
"That one costs $3000," answers the storeowner.
"$3000!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one to the left costs $500," says the storeowner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey.
"That one costs $3000," answers the storeowner.
"$3000!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JOKES!!!!!!!
Bank Robbery:Bholaji and Pyarelal rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other,
'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of loan documents.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
James bond:
Once it so happened in a flight that, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy Both were traveling to US. Telugu Guy: Hello May I know your name please? James Bond: I am Bond... James Bond....... and you? Telugu Guy: I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai ... Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bond faints!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of loan documents.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
James bond:
Once it so happened in a flight that, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy Both were traveling to US. Telugu Guy: Hello May I know your name please? James Bond: I am Bond... James Bond....... and you? Telugu Guy: I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai ... Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bond faints!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Why bridge construction takes forever in India?
An Indian politician went to the U.S. to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion and lush grounds and costly furnishings. "But how can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?" the minister asked. The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window. "You see that river?"
"Yes."
"You see the bridge over it?"
"Of course," said the minister.
"Ten percent," the senator said smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to the minister's house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, which glittered with precious art and bustled with hundreds of servants. "But how can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian rupees?" the senator asked, amazed.
The minister called him to the window. "See the river over there?"
"Sure," said the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked confused and said, "No, I'm afraid I don't see any bridge."
The minister grinned and said, "One hundred percent."
"Yes."
"You see the bridge over it?"
"Of course," said the minister.
"Ten percent," the senator said smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to the minister's house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, which glittered with precious art and bustled with hundreds of servants. "But how can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian rupees?" the senator asked, amazed.
The minister called him to the window. "See the river over there?"
"Sure," said the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked confused and said, "No, I'm afraid I don't see any bridge."
The minister grinned and said, "One hundred percent."
Software Development Process
1)Order the T-shirts for the Development team
2)Announce availability
3)Write the code
4)Write the manual
5)Hire a Product Manager
6)Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications)
7)Ship
8)Test (the customers are a big help here)
9)Identify bugs as potential enhancements
10)Announce the upgrade program
2)Announce availability
3)Write the code
4)Write the manual
5)Hire a Product Manager
6)Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications)
7)Ship
8)Test (the customers are a big help here)
9)Identify bugs as potential enhancements
10)Announce the upgrade program
Sardar jokes
Air travel
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.
Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bus ride
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.
Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bus ride
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Tech support and customer
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
--------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
.Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
.Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
--------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
-------------------------------------
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
--------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
--------------------------------------------------
customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and
may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
--------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
.Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
.Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
--------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
-------------------------------------
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
--------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
--------------------------------------------------
customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and
may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Management Lessons
Story # 1
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES
Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT
Net il suttadhu!
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES
Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT
Net il suttadhu!
The Corporate Language
1."We will do it" means" You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means" More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means" We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means" It’s not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means" We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means" I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means" We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means" We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means" Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means" Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means" Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, " Well you know..."
2."You have done a great job" means" More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means" We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means" It’s not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means" We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means" I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means" We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means" We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means" Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means" Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means" Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, " Well you know..."
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Just for Laugh!!!!!
ஒரு அமெரிக்கன், ஜப்பானியன், இந்தியன் மூவரும் கடவுளை காண நேரிட்டது. கடவுள் அவர்களிடம் ஆளுக்கு ஒரு கேள்வி கேட்கலாம் என்றார்.
அமெரிக்கன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேற எத்தனை நாட்களாகும்?" என்றான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "உனது நாடு முன்னேற 30 வருடங்களாகும்" என்றார். உடனே அமெரிக்கன் அழ ஆரம்பித்தான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "ஏனப்பா அழுகிறாய்" என் கேட்க, அவன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேறுவதை பார்க்க நான் உயிரோடு இருப்பேனா இல்லையோ" என்றான்.
பின்பு, ஜப்பானியன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேற எத்தனை நாட்களாகும்?" என்றான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "உனது நாடு முன்னேற 50 வருடங்களாகும்" என்றார். உடனே ஜப்பானியன் அழ ஆரம்பித்தான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "ஏனப்பா அழுகிறாய்" என் கேட்க, அவன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேறுவதை பார்க்க நான் உயிரோடு இருப்பேனா இல்லையோ" என்றான்.
பின்பு, இந்தியன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேற எத்தனை நாட்களாகும்?" என்றான். உடனே கடவுள் அழ ஆரம்பித்தார். அவனோ புரியாமல் "கடவுளே, நீர் ஏன் அழுகிறீர், நானல்லவா அழ வேண்டும்?" என்றான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "உனது நாடு முன்னேறுவதை பார்க்க நானே உயிரோடு இருப்பேனா இல்லையோ" என்றார்
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day you'll send a letter to your US-Based boss asking for an increase in your salary !
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$
of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
The next day, you received this letter of reply:
Oh my dear:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the Industry may go into aNOther recession. After NOvember events things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean....Don't You???
Your KNOwledgeable Boss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
click here:
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
அமெரிக்கன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேற எத்தனை நாட்களாகும்?" என்றான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "உனது நாடு முன்னேற 30 வருடங்களாகும்" என்றார். உடனே அமெரிக்கன் அழ ஆரம்பித்தான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "ஏனப்பா அழுகிறாய்" என் கேட்க, அவன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேறுவதை பார்க்க நான் உயிரோடு இருப்பேனா இல்லையோ" என்றான்.
பின்பு, ஜப்பானியன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேற எத்தனை நாட்களாகும்?" என்றான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "உனது நாடு முன்னேற 50 வருடங்களாகும்" என்றார். உடனே ஜப்பானியன் அழ ஆரம்பித்தான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "ஏனப்பா அழுகிறாய்" என் கேட்க, அவன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேறுவதை பார்க்க நான் உயிரோடு இருப்பேனா இல்லையோ" என்றான்.
பின்பு, இந்தியன் "எனது நாடு முன்னேற எத்தனை நாட்களாகும்?" என்றான். உடனே கடவுள் அழ ஆரம்பித்தார். அவனோ புரியாமல் "கடவுளே, நீர் ஏன் அழுகிறீர், நானல்லவா அழ வேண்டும்?" என்றான். கடவுள் அவனிடம் "உனது நாடு முன்னேறுவதை பார்க்க நானே உயிரோடு இருப்பேனா இல்லையோ" என்றார்
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day you'll send a letter to your US-Based boss asking for an increase in your salary !
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$
of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
The next day, you received this letter of reply:
Oh my dear:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the Industry may go into aNOther recession. After NOvember events things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean....Don't You???
Your KNOwledgeable Boss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
click here:
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardharji jokes
Once a Sardharji, by name Milka Singh, was in Europe and he was sitting in a beach in relaxed position.
An Europian came ans asked "Hey, are you relaxing..?"
He replied : "No, I am Milka Singh"
that europian left from there and another man came and asked "are you relaxing..?"
Sardharji replied : No,no, I am Milka Singh"
a third man came and asked the same question and got the same reply from him.
Then sardharji decided, this is not the suitable place for him, so better to move to a distance. There he found another sardharji (who knows English well) in a relaxed manner.
Milka singh asked him : "Are you relaxing..?"
The new sardharji replied "Yes, I am relaxing"
Milka singh told :"My God... somebody is searching you there..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you will find a Sardar in a class room?
One who rubs his notes when teacher is cleaning the board
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார்ஜிகள் முட்டாள்கள் அல்ல என்பதை நிரூபிக்க ஒரு மாநாடு...
ஒரு சர்தாஜியிடம் நடுவர்கள் கேள்வி கேட்கிறார்..
5 தும் 5 தும் எவ்வளவு...
சர்தார்ஜி 8 என்கிறார்...உடனே கூடி இருந்த சர்தார்ஜிகள் அவருக்கு மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பு கொடுங்கள் என்று கத்துகிறார்கள்...
சரி ஓகே...
4 லும் 4 லும் எவ்வளவு
சர்தார்ஜி 7 என்கிறார்...உடனே கூடி இருந்த சர்தார்ஜிகள் அவருக்கு மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பு கொடுங்கள் என்று கத்துகிறார்கள்...
சரி ஓகே... மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பளிக்கிறார்
2 டும் 2 டும் எவ்வளவு
சர்தார்ஜி 4 என்கிறார்...உடனே கூடி இருந்த சர்தார்ஜிகள் சற்றும் தாமதிக்காமல் அவருக்கு மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பு கொடுங்கள் என்று கத்துகிறார்கள்...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார்: கொஞ்ச நாளாவே கண் மங்கலாத் தெரியுது.
நண்பர்: நல்ல கண் டாக்டராப் பாரேன்
சர்தார்: பார்த்தேனே. அவரும் மங்கலாத்தான் தெரியிராரு.
==================
ஒரு நேர்காணýல்....
கேள்வி கேட்பவர்: மின்சார மோட்டார் எப்படி வேலை செய்கிறது?
சர்தார்: டுர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்..
.
கேள்வி கேட்டவர் (கத்தியபடி): நிறுத்து.
சர்தார்: டுர் டுப் டுப் டுப் டுப்.
==================
சர்தார் வாங்கிய லாட்டரிச் சீட்டிற்கு 10 கோடி விழுந்தது.
அந்தச் சீட்டின் விநியோகஸ்தர், வரிக் கழிவு போக 7 கோடியைத் தந்தார். சர்தார் அவரிடம் கோபப்பட்டார்: "எனக்கு 10 கோடி ரூபாயையும் முழுசாக் கொடுங்க; இல்லாட்டி நான் கொடுத்த 20 ரூபாயைக் கொடுத்திடுங்க."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ஒரு சர்தார்ஜி அழகான் பெண்ணிடம் இன்று இரவு என் வீட்டுக்கு வா யாரும் இருக்க மாட்டார்கள் என்று சொன்னார்..
அந்த பெண்ணும் போனாள்...
அவர் கூறியது போல் வீட்டில் யாரும் இல்லை...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார் 1: ரெயிலைக் கண்டுபிடிச்சது ரொம்ப நல்லதாப் போச்சு.
சர்தார் 2: ஏன்?
சர்தார் 1: இல்லேன்னா தண்டவாளம் எல்லாம் வீணாப் போயிருக்கும்.
======================
சர்தார் 1: எவனோ பூட்டை உடைச்சு 1000 ரூபாயைத் திருடிட்டான்..!
சர்தார் 2: நீ எப்படி பூட்டுக்குள்ள 1000 ரூபாயை வச்ச?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji.
Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box.
He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tommorow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says " If I find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die "
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says " Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says " I did not know he hated idlis so much. I would have packed something else for his lunch "
The Bengali's widow says " I did not know he hated fish so much. I would have packed something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says " I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch....!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar Director : You should jump to the swimming pool from 100 feet height.
Actor : I Don't know swimming.
Sardar Director : Aray saab Don't worry, there is no water
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar got into the bus on 1st April. When conductor asked for ticket, he gave Rs. 10 and took the ticket and said "APRIL FOOL I HAVE THE PASS"
====================================================================================
indru avlo thaan suda mudindhadhu !!!!!!!!!!!!
An Europian came ans asked "Hey, are you relaxing..?"
He replied : "No, I am Milka Singh"
that europian left from there and another man came and asked "are you relaxing..?"
Sardharji replied : No,no, I am Milka Singh"
a third man came and asked the same question and got the same reply from him.
Then sardharji decided, this is not the suitable place for him, so better to move to a distance. There he found another sardharji (who knows English well) in a relaxed manner.
Milka singh asked him : "Are you relaxing..?"
The new sardharji replied "Yes, I am relaxing"
Milka singh told :"My God... somebody is searching you there..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you will find a Sardar in a class room?
One who rubs his notes when teacher is cleaning the board
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார்ஜிகள் முட்டாள்கள் அல்ல என்பதை நிரூபிக்க ஒரு மாநாடு...
ஒரு சர்தாஜியிடம் நடுவர்கள் கேள்வி கேட்கிறார்..
5 தும் 5 தும் எவ்வளவு...
சர்தார்ஜி 8 என்கிறார்...உடனே கூடி இருந்த சர்தார்ஜிகள் அவருக்கு மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பு கொடுங்கள் என்று கத்துகிறார்கள்...
சரி ஓகே...
4 லும் 4 லும் எவ்வளவு
சர்தார்ஜி 7 என்கிறார்...உடனே கூடி இருந்த சர்தார்ஜிகள் அவருக்கு மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பு கொடுங்கள் என்று கத்துகிறார்கள்...
சரி ஓகே... மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பளிக்கிறார்
2 டும் 2 டும் எவ்வளவு
சர்தார்ஜி 4 என்கிறார்...உடனே கூடி இருந்த சர்தார்ஜிகள் சற்றும் தாமதிக்காமல் அவருக்கு மேலும் ஒரு வாய்ப்பு கொடுங்கள் என்று கத்துகிறார்கள்...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார்: கொஞ்ச நாளாவே கண் மங்கலாத் தெரியுது.
நண்பர்: நல்ல கண் டாக்டராப் பாரேன்
சர்தார்: பார்த்தேனே. அவரும் மங்கலாத்தான் தெரியிராரு.
==================
ஒரு நேர்காணýல்....
கேள்வி கேட்பவர்: மின்சார மோட்டார் எப்படி வேலை செய்கிறது?
சர்தார்: டுர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்ர்..
.
கேள்வி கேட்டவர் (கத்தியபடி): நிறுத்து.
சர்தார்: டுர் டுப் டுப் டுப் டுப்.
==================
சர்தார் வாங்கிய லாட்டரிச் சீட்டிற்கு 10 கோடி விழுந்தது.
அந்தச் சீட்டின் விநியோகஸ்தர், வரிக் கழிவு போக 7 கோடியைத் தந்தார். சர்தார் அவரிடம் கோபப்பட்டார்: "எனக்கு 10 கோடி ரூபாயையும் முழுசாக் கொடுங்க; இல்லாட்டி நான் கொடுத்த 20 ரூபாயைக் கொடுத்திடுங்க."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ஒரு சர்தார்ஜி அழகான் பெண்ணிடம் இன்று இரவு என் வீட்டுக்கு வா யாரும் இருக்க மாட்டார்கள் என்று சொன்னார்..
அந்த பெண்ணும் போனாள்...
அவர் கூறியது போல் வீட்டில் யாரும் இல்லை...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார் 1: ரெயிலைக் கண்டுபிடிச்சது ரொம்ப நல்லதாப் போச்சு.
சர்தார் 2: ஏன்?
சர்தார் 1: இல்லேன்னா தண்டவாளம் எல்லாம் வீணாப் போயிருக்கும்.
======================
சர்தார் 1: எவனோ பூட்டை உடைச்சு 1000 ரூபாயைத் திருடிட்டான்..!
சர்தார் 2: நீ எப்படி பூட்டுக்குள்ள 1000 ரூபாயை வச்ச?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji.
Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box.
He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tommorow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says " If I find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die "
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says " Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says " I did not know he hated idlis so much. I would have packed something else for his lunch "
The Bengali's widow says " I did not know he hated fish so much. I would have packed something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says " I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch....!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar Director : You should jump to the swimming pool from 100 feet height.
Actor : I Don't know swimming.
Sardar Director : Aray saab Don't worry, there is no water
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar got into the bus on 1st April. When conductor asked for ticket, he gave Rs. 10 and took the ticket and said "APRIL FOOL I HAVE THE PASS"
====================================================================================
indru avlo thaan suda mudindhadhu !!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
stupid Questions .. perfect answers
Are you chewing gum?
"No, I'm John Smith."
"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"
"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"
"Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."
"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner."
"Who wants to eat friends?"
"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."
"I want some rat poison."
"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"
"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."
"May I hold your hand?"
"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."
"Does water always come through the roof in this place?"
"No, sir, only when it rains."
"When will you straighten out the house, dear?"
"Why? Is it tilted?"
"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"
"Now that you're married, you should have some insurance"
"But why? My wife isn't dangerous."
"I have changed my mind."
"Thank heavens! Does it work better now?"
"Would you like your coffee black?"
"What other colors do you have
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"No, I'm John Smith."
"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"
"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"
"Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."
"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner."
"Who wants to eat friends?"
"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."
"I want some rat poison."
"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"
"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."
"May I hold your hand?"
"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."
"Does water always come through the roof in this place?"
"No, sir, only when it rains."
"When will you straighten out the house, dear?"
"Why? Is it tilted?"
"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"
"Now that you're married, you should have some insurance"
"But why? My wife isn't dangerous."
"I have changed my mind."
"Thank heavens! Does it work better now?"
"Would you like your coffee black?"
"What other colors do you have
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SWEETS- Pista, Cashew Burfi
PISTA BARFI
Cooking Time : 20 mins.
Preparation Time : 10 mins.
Makes approx. 1 1/4 cups.
Ingredients
1 cup (100 grams) pistachios
1/2 cup (50 grams) sugar
1/4 teaspoon cardamom powder
a few drops of green food colouring (optional)
Method
1. Soak the pistachios in warm water for about 30 minutes.
2. Drain all the water, peel the pistachios and blend them to a fine paste in a food processor. Keep aside.
3. Dissolve the sugar in 1/2 cup of water and prepare a syrup of one string consistency.
4. Add the pista paste, cardamom powder and green colour and cook over a slow flame, stirring continuously till the mixture leaves the sides of the pan (approx. 5 to 7 minutes).
5. Transfer to a plate and cool slightly. Keep aside.
6. Use as required.
CASHEW BARFI
Cooking Time : 20 mins.
Preparation Time : 10 mins.
Makes 1 1/4 cups.
Ingredients
1 cup (100 grams) cashewnuts, broken
1/2 cup (50 grams) sugar
1/4 teaspoon canned powder
Method
1. Soak the cashewnuts in warm water for about 30 minutes and wash them 2 to 3 times.
2. Drain all the water out and blend the cashewnuts to a fine paste. Keep aside.
3. Dissolve the sugar in 1/2 cup of water and prepare a syrup of one string consistency.
4. Add the cashew paste and cook over a medium flame, stirring continuously till the mixture leaves the sides of the pan (approx. 5 to 7 minutes).
5. Transfer to a plate and cool slightly. Keep aside.
Cooking Time : 20 mins.
Preparation Time : 10 mins.
Makes approx. 1 1/4 cups.
Ingredients
1 cup (100 grams) pistachios
1/2 cup (50 grams) sugar
1/4 teaspoon cardamom powder
a few drops of green food colouring (optional)
Method
1. Soak the pistachios in warm water for about 30 minutes.
2. Drain all the water, peel the pistachios and blend them to a fine paste in a food processor. Keep aside.
3. Dissolve the sugar in 1/2 cup of water and prepare a syrup of one string consistency.
4. Add the pista paste, cardamom powder and green colour and cook over a slow flame, stirring continuously till the mixture leaves the sides of the pan (approx. 5 to 7 minutes).
5. Transfer to a plate and cool slightly. Keep aside.
6. Use as required.
CASHEW BARFI
Cooking Time : 20 mins.
Preparation Time : 10 mins.
Makes 1 1/4 cups.
Ingredients
1 cup (100 grams) cashewnuts, broken
1/2 cup (50 grams) sugar
1/4 teaspoon canned powder
Method
1. Soak the cashewnuts in warm water for about 30 minutes and wash them 2 to 3 times.
2. Drain all the water out and blend the cashewnuts to a fine paste. Keep aside.
3. Dissolve the sugar in 1/2 cup of water and prepare a syrup of one string consistency.
4. Add the cashew paste and cook over a medium flame, stirring continuously till the mixture leaves the sides of the pan (approx. 5 to 7 minutes).
5. Transfer to a plate and cool slightly. Keep aside.
‘‘நீங்கள் உத்தமரா தங்கர்?’’ -விளாசும் சேரன்
நண்பன் தங்கருக்கு...
சென்ற வார விகடன் இதழில், உங்கள் நேர்காணலைப் பார்த்தேன்.
ஒவ்வொருத்தருக்கும் எதிரி ஒருத்தன் உள்ளுக்குள்ளேயே இருப்பான். சிலருக்கு அவங்க நேர்மையே எதிரி! இன்னும் சிலருக்கு அவங்க திறமையே எதிரியாகும். ஆனா, உங்களுக்கு உங்க வாய்தான் எதிரி. என்னை நன்றி மறந்தவனாகச் சித்திரிச்சிருக்கீங்க. ஆனா, உண்மை என்ன தங்கர்?
‘பள்ளிக்கூடம்’ கதையை நீங்க என்னிடம் விவரிச்சப்போ, அது ‘அழகி’யையும் ‘ஆட்டோகிராஃப்’பையும் நினைவுபடுத்துதுன்னு சொன்னேன். இதில் நீங்களும் நானும் நடிச்சா, இவங்களுக்கு வேற வேலையே இல்லையான்னு மக்கள் நினைச்சிடுவாங்கன்னு மட்டும்-தான் சொன்னேன். வேறு நடிகர்கள் நடிச்சா, அது தெரியாதுன்னும் சொன்-னேன். ஆனா, பிடிவாதமா நின்னீங்க. இப்போ, அதை மறந்துட்டு என்னென்-னவோ பேசி இருக்கீங்க.
நீங்க நல்ல எழுத்தாளர். உங்க-ளோட ‘வெள்ளை மாடு’, ‘ஒன்பது ரூபாய் நோட்டு’ ரெண்டையும் படிச்சு உருகியிருக்கேன். நீங்க என்னோட ‘தேசிய கீதம்’ பார்த்துட்டு, ‘இப்படி-எல்லாம் எடுக்க முடியுமாய்யா?’னு நெருங்கி வந்தீங்க. அப்படி ஆரம்பிச் சது நம்ம நட்பு. ஆனா, நீங்க பேசக் கூடிய வார்த்தை-களுக்கும் வாழுற வாழ்க்கைக்கும் எவ்வளவு முரண்பாடு!
‘சொல்ல மறந்த கதை’ யில் என்னை ஒரு நடிகனா அறி-முகம் செய்தவர் நீங்கதான். நான் சம்பளமே வேண்டாம்னு சொன்னேன். ‘இல்லை சேரா, இது தொழில்!’னு 3 லட்சத்தை எனக்குக் கொடுத்துட்டு, 25 லட்சம் கொடுத்ததா தயாரிப்பாளரிடம் கணக்கு காட்டினவர் நீங்க. உங்களின் இந்த ‘அரிய’ குணத்தைக்கூட இதுவரைக்கும் நான் வெளியே சொன்னதில்லை, தங்கர்! இப்போ சொல்ல வெச்சதும் உங்கள் பேச்சுதான்.
இவ்வளவு அழகாக எழுதுகிற கலைஞன், எப்படி இத்தனை நேர்மையற்றவரா இருக்க முடியும்னு நினைச்சுப் பார்க்கவே கஷ்டமா இருக்கு தங்கர். வாழ்க்கையின் உயர்ந்த பட்ச நல்ல மனநிலையை எப்பதான் அடையப்போறீங்க?
‘சொல்ல மறந்த கதை’யில் என் நடிப்பைப் பார்த்துட்டு, பல தடவை கட்டிப்பிடிச்சுப் பாராட்டி அழுதிருக்கீங்க. ஆனா, அதே வேகத்தில் இன்னொரு நடிகரைப் பார்க்கப் போய், ‘சேரனுக்குப் பதில் நீங்க நடிச்சிருந்தா, அந்தப் படம் பிச்சிட்டுப் போயிருக்கும்’னு சிரிச்சிருக்கீங்க. முரண்பாடுகளின் மூட்டையாகிட்டீங்களே, ஏன் தங்கர்?
எந்த ஒரு கஷ்டமான கணத்திலும், உங்களுக்கு ஆதரவா நின்னிருக்கேன். குஷ்புவுக்கும் உங்களுக்கும் நடந்த சண்டையில் உங்கள் பக்கம் நின்னு, நடிகர் சங்கத்துக்கும் யூனியனுக்கும் அலைஞ்சிருக்கேன். ‘அழகி’யை ரிலீஸ் செய்ய முடியாம தவிச்-சப்போ, என் ஆபீஸ்ல கூடிப் பேசி பிரச்னையைச் சரி பண்ணி-யிருக்கோம். ஆனா, ‘ஒண்ணுக்குள்ள ஒண்ணு’ன்னு சொல்றவர், என்னோட ‘ஆட்டோகிராஃப்’, ‘தவமாய் தவமிருந்து’ படங்கள் ரிலீஸ் செய்யக் கஷ்டப்பட்ட காலங்களில், ஆறுதலாக ஒரு வார்த்தை, போனிலாவது நீங்க பேசியது உண்டா?
எப்போ பார்த்தாலும் ‘தமிழனுக்கு நான்தான் அத்தாரிட்டி’ன்னு சொல்லிக்கிறீங்களே... மகேந்திரனின் ‘உதிரிப்பூக்க’ளும், பாரதிராஜா-வின் பல படங்களும் காட்டிய தமிழ் வாழ்க்கையை நீங்க இன்னும் காட்டவே இல்லை. முதலில், உங்க படங்களைச் ‘சுருட்டாம’ நல்லா எடுக்கிறவிதத்தைப் பழகுங்க. ‘பள்ளிக்கூடம்’ மிகச் சிறந்த கதை. ஆனா, கொடுத்த பணத்தைச் ‘சுருட்டாமல்’ இருந்திருந்தால், அது இன்னும் நல்ல படமா வந்திருக்கும். இப்போ ‘ஒன்பது ரூபாய் நோட்டு’ படத்தையாவது கெடுக்காமல் எடுங்க. அதுதான் உங்களை வேறு இடத்தில் கொண்டுபோய் வைக்கும்.
என்னை மட்டுமில்லை... விஜயகாந்த்தையும், சரத்குமாரையும் வம்புக்கு இழுத்திருக்கீங்க. திருமா அண்ணன் சினிமாவுக்கு வந்ததை எந்த அளவுக்கு வரவேற்கிறோமோ, அதே மாதிரி இவங்களும் அரசியலுக்கு வரட்டுமே! அவங்களை மக்கள் முடிவு பண்ணட்டும். உங்களுக்கு அந்த அதிகாரத்தை யார் கொடுத்தாங்க?
‘அழகி’யை அப்போ கொண்டாடியது, இப்போ நீங்க திட்டுற அதே டைரக்டர்கள்தான். அவங்களுக்குத் தெரிஞ்சதை அவங்க பண்றாங்க; நமக்குத் தெரிஞ்சதை நாம செய்றோம். அவரவர் திறமை, அவரவர் பாடு! மக்கள் புத்திசாலிகள். அவங்களுக்குத் திருப்தி இல்லைங்கிறதை ‘தென்றல்’, ‘மாயக்கண்ணாடி’ ரெண்டும் நிரூபிச்சுது. உங்களை வஸந்த்தும், விக்கிரமனும் பாராட்டியிருந்தா, அது அவங்க பெருந்தன்மை!
உங்களுக்குப் பதில் சொல்றதுக்கு முன்னால யோசிச்சேன். ஆனா, என்னால் அமைதியா இருக்க முடியலை. ஏன்னா, இது சுமத்தப்பட்ட அமைதி. நான் வேகமா நடக்கிறபோதெல்லாம், இப்படி ஏதாவது ஒரு கல் என் பெருவிரலைக் காயப்படுத்திட்டே இருக்கு. இருந்தாலும் நன்றி மறப்பவன் நான் அல்ல. இப்பவும் நல்ல கதை இருந்தா, சொல்லுங்க... நடிக்கிறேன். ஆனால் உங்களின் பேச்சு, நீங்க நல்ல நண்பர் இல்-லைன்னு காட்டிவிட்டது. உங்கள் பொய் முகத்தைக் காட்டிவிட்டு, நான் இன்னும் வெகுதூரம் போக வேண்டும்.
ஒன்றே ஒன்றுதான் தங்கர்... நம் படைப்பு-களைத்தான் தமிழர்கள் நேசிக்கிறார்கள். நாம் அதிகம் பேசுவதை அல்ல!
நன்றி: விகடன்
சென்ற வார விகடன் இதழில், உங்கள் நேர்காணலைப் பார்த்தேன்.
ஒவ்வொருத்தருக்கும் எதிரி ஒருத்தன் உள்ளுக்குள்ளேயே இருப்பான். சிலருக்கு அவங்க நேர்மையே எதிரி! இன்னும் சிலருக்கு அவங்க திறமையே எதிரியாகும். ஆனா, உங்களுக்கு உங்க வாய்தான் எதிரி. என்னை நன்றி மறந்தவனாகச் சித்திரிச்சிருக்கீங்க. ஆனா, உண்மை என்ன தங்கர்?
‘பள்ளிக்கூடம்’ கதையை நீங்க என்னிடம் விவரிச்சப்போ, அது ‘அழகி’யையும் ‘ஆட்டோகிராஃப்’பையும் நினைவுபடுத்துதுன்னு சொன்னேன். இதில் நீங்களும் நானும் நடிச்சா, இவங்களுக்கு வேற வேலையே இல்லையான்னு மக்கள் நினைச்சிடுவாங்கன்னு மட்டும்-தான் சொன்னேன். வேறு நடிகர்கள் நடிச்சா, அது தெரியாதுன்னும் சொன்-னேன். ஆனா, பிடிவாதமா நின்னீங்க. இப்போ, அதை மறந்துட்டு என்னென்-னவோ பேசி இருக்கீங்க.
நீங்க நல்ல எழுத்தாளர். உங்க-ளோட ‘வெள்ளை மாடு’, ‘ஒன்பது ரூபாய் நோட்டு’ ரெண்டையும் படிச்சு உருகியிருக்கேன். நீங்க என்னோட ‘தேசிய கீதம்’ பார்த்துட்டு, ‘இப்படி-எல்லாம் எடுக்க முடியுமாய்யா?’னு நெருங்கி வந்தீங்க. அப்படி ஆரம்பிச் சது நம்ம நட்பு. ஆனா, நீங்க பேசக் கூடிய வார்த்தை-களுக்கும் வாழுற வாழ்க்கைக்கும் எவ்வளவு முரண்பாடு!
‘சொல்ல மறந்த கதை’ யில் என்னை ஒரு நடிகனா அறி-முகம் செய்தவர் நீங்கதான். நான் சம்பளமே வேண்டாம்னு சொன்னேன். ‘இல்லை சேரா, இது தொழில்!’னு 3 லட்சத்தை எனக்குக் கொடுத்துட்டு, 25 லட்சம் கொடுத்ததா தயாரிப்பாளரிடம் கணக்கு காட்டினவர் நீங்க. உங்களின் இந்த ‘அரிய’ குணத்தைக்கூட இதுவரைக்கும் நான் வெளியே சொன்னதில்லை, தங்கர்! இப்போ சொல்ல வெச்சதும் உங்கள் பேச்சுதான்.
இவ்வளவு அழகாக எழுதுகிற கலைஞன், எப்படி இத்தனை நேர்மையற்றவரா இருக்க முடியும்னு நினைச்சுப் பார்க்கவே கஷ்டமா இருக்கு தங்கர். வாழ்க்கையின் உயர்ந்த பட்ச நல்ல மனநிலையை எப்பதான் அடையப்போறீங்க?
‘சொல்ல மறந்த கதை’யில் என் நடிப்பைப் பார்த்துட்டு, பல தடவை கட்டிப்பிடிச்சுப் பாராட்டி அழுதிருக்கீங்க. ஆனா, அதே வேகத்தில் இன்னொரு நடிகரைப் பார்க்கப் போய், ‘சேரனுக்குப் பதில் நீங்க நடிச்சிருந்தா, அந்தப் படம் பிச்சிட்டுப் போயிருக்கும்’னு சிரிச்சிருக்கீங்க. முரண்பாடுகளின் மூட்டையாகிட்டீங்களே, ஏன் தங்கர்?
எந்த ஒரு கஷ்டமான கணத்திலும், உங்களுக்கு ஆதரவா நின்னிருக்கேன். குஷ்புவுக்கும் உங்களுக்கும் நடந்த சண்டையில் உங்கள் பக்கம் நின்னு, நடிகர் சங்கத்துக்கும் யூனியனுக்கும் அலைஞ்சிருக்கேன். ‘அழகி’யை ரிலீஸ் செய்ய முடியாம தவிச்-சப்போ, என் ஆபீஸ்ல கூடிப் பேசி பிரச்னையைச் சரி பண்ணி-யிருக்கோம். ஆனா, ‘ஒண்ணுக்குள்ள ஒண்ணு’ன்னு சொல்றவர், என்னோட ‘ஆட்டோகிராஃப்’, ‘தவமாய் தவமிருந்து’ படங்கள் ரிலீஸ் செய்யக் கஷ்டப்பட்ட காலங்களில், ஆறுதலாக ஒரு வார்த்தை, போனிலாவது நீங்க பேசியது உண்டா?
எப்போ பார்த்தாலும் ‘தமிழனுக்கு நான்தான் அத்தாரிட்டி’ன்னு சொல்லிக்கிறீங்களே... மகேந்திரனின் ‘உதிரிப்பூக்க’ளும், பாரதிராஜா-வின் பல படங்களும் காட்டிய தமிழ் வாழ்க்கையை நீங்க இன்னும் காட்டவே இல்லை. முதலில், உங்க படங்களைச் ‘சுருட்டாம’ நல்லா எடுக்கிறவிதத்தைப் பழகுங்க. ‘பள்ளிக்கூடம்’ மிகச் சிறந்த கதை. ஆனா, கொடுத்த பணத்தைச் ‘சுருட்டாமல்’ இருந்திருந்தால், அது இன்னும் நல்ல படமா வந்திருக்கும். இப்போ ‘ஒன்பது ரூபாய் நோட்டு’ படத்தையாவது கெடுக்காமல் எடுங்க. அதுதான் உங்களை வேறு இடத்தில் கொண்டுபோய் வைக்கும்.
என்னை மட்டுமில்லை... விஜயகாந்த்தையும், சரத்குமாரையும் வம்புக்கு இழுத்திருக்கீங்க. திருமா அண்ணன் சினிமாவுக்கு வந்ததை எந்த அளவுக்கு வரவேற்கிறோமோ, அதே மாதிரி இவங்களும் அரசியலுக்கு வரட்டுமே! அவங்களை மக்கள் முடிவு பண்ணட்டும். உங்களுக்கு அந்த அதிகாரத்தை யார் கொடுத்தாங்க?
‘அழகி’யை அப்போ கொண்டாடியது, இப்போ நீங்க திட்டுற அதே டைரக்டர்கள்தான். அவங்களுக்குத் தெரிஞ்சதை அவங்க பண்றாங்க; நமக்குத் தெரிஞ்சதை நாம செய்றோம். அவரவர் திறமை, அவரவர் பாடு! மக்கள் புத்திசாலிகள். அவங்களுக்குத் திருப்தி இல்லைங்கிறதை ‘தென்றல்’, ‘மாயக்கண்ணாடி’ ரெண்டும் நிரூபிச்சுது. உங்களை வஸந்த்தும், விக்கிரமனும் பாராட்டியிருந்தா, அது அவங்க பெருந்தன்மை!
உங்களுக்குப் பதில் சொல்றதுக்கு முன்னால யோசிச்சேன். ஆனா, என்னால் அமைதியா இருக்க முடியலை. ஏன்னா, இது சுமத்தப்பட்ட அமைதி. நான் வேகமா நடக்கிறபோதெல்லாம், இப்படி ஏதாவது ஒரு கல் என் பெருவிரலைக் காயப்படுத்திட்டே இருக்கு. இருந்தாலும் நன்றி மறப்பவன் நான் அல்ல. இப்பவும் நல்ல கதை இருந்தா, சொல்லுங்க... நடிக்கிறேன். ஆனால் உங்களின் பேச்சு, நீங்க நல்ல நண்பர் இல்-லைன்னு காட்டிவிட்டது. உங்கள் பொய் முகத்தைக் காட்டிவிட்டு, நான் இன்னும் வெகுதூரம் போக வேண்டும்.
ஒன்றே ஒன்றுதான் தங்கர்... நம் படைப்பு-களைத்தான் தமிழர்கள் நேசிக்கிறார்கள். நாம் அதிகம் பேசுவதை அல்ல!
நன்றி: விகடன்
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Software Engineer
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.&n bsp; I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Sup port . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.&n bsp; I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Sup port . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a
closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and
then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the
bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange
order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations,
yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.
And last
If they are talking to each other and not a single
brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
he he he .............!!!!!
closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and
then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the
bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange
order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations,
yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.
And last
If they are talking to each other and not a single
brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
he he he .............!!!!!
Jokes
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: .......!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car
in a restricted area. The Judge askd him if he had
anything to say in his defence. "They should not put
up such misleading notices", said Banta. "It said,
FINE FOR PARKING HERE
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito
and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good News & Bad News!!
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God (at the time when Y2K problem surfaced).
During dinner He told them: "I invited you here because I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"
After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
1. God really exists, and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them:
"I have Good news and Bad News:
1. The good news is: God really does exist.
2. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced:
"I have two fantastic announcements:
1. I am one of three most important people on earth.
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South indian GIRL-FRIEND
***********
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't
study in IIT or Madras /Anna University.
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with "... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The
Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate
with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name,
middle name and surname combined (unless you
are from Andhra)
8. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every
movie.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari
Srikkanth.
12.Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried
North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
13.She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
14.You have to give her jewellery, though she has
already got plenty of it
15. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the
championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
16.She is more educated than you.
17.Her father thinks she is much smarter than you...
( net il suttadhu)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: .......!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car
in a restricted area. The Judge askd him if he had
anything to say in his defence. "They should not put
up such misleading notices", said Banta. "It said,
FINE FOR PARKING HERE
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito
and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good News & Bad News!!
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God (at the time when Y2K problem surfaced).
During dinner He told them: "I invited you here because I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"
After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
1. God really exists, and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them:
"I have Good news and Bad News:
1. The good news is: God really does exist.
2. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced:
"I have two fantastic announcements:
1. I am one of three most important people on earth.
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South indian GIRL-FRIEND
***********
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't
study in IIT or Madras /Anna University.
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with "... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The
Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate
with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name,
middle name and surname combined (unless you
are from Andhra)
8. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every
movie.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari
Srikkanth.
12.Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried
North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
13.She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
14.You have to give her jewellery, though she has
already got plenty of it
15. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the
championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
16.She is more educated than you.
17.Her father thinks she is much smarter than you...
( net il suttadhu)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Driving Licence Application Form in Bihar
DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
-----------------------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
2. phust name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yourj: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leabe blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also. Pleaje
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
-----------------------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
2. phust name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yourj: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leabe blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also. Pleaje
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Australia v Zimbabwe, Group B, ICC World Twenty20
No more fun for 'diabolical' Australia
Andrew McGlashan at Newlands
September 12, 2007
Elton Chigumbura celebrates the dismissal of Matthew Hayden in the first over ... Australia were off the pace from the start © Getty Images
Ray Mali, the interim ICC president, evoked gasps from around the globe a few weeks ago when he claimed that Zimbabwe can be the world's No. 1 in three years. It isn't the first time Mali has appeared to be living in his own surreal world, but for one night in Cape Town reality was suspended as Australia, the world champions and tournament favourites, were toppled in a thrilling, unforgettable, upset.
Brendan Taylor paced his innings outstandingly despite a rain interruption, and when he glanced Nathan Bracken off his pads down to fine leg with one ball to spare, the whole Zimbabwe squad - who had been stood as one in the dug-out - erupted in wild celebrations. In recent times they haven't been able to beat national A teams, but now they had taken down the biggest name in the game.
The crowd hadn't quite lived up to the pre-match expectations, but the grass bank by the pavilion included a small patch of Zimbabwe fans and they burst into spontaneous scenes of joy. During the closing stages, however, most of the spectators threw their support behind Zimbabwe, and were rewarded with a lap of honour as Australia licked their wounds. Australia now face the unpalatable prospect of going out at the first hurdle, while Zimbabwe must try to resist their urge to party all night because England await on Thursday afternoon.
But there is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said "we've got to start respecting the game a bit more." He admitted he was embarrassed by the result adding that there "would be many Australians back home feeling the same way."
Ponting has tried to laugh off Australia's previous Twenty20 defeats, especially their memorable 100-run upset against England before the 2005 Ashes, but he wore a stony face after this result. This time Australia have come a cropper in a global tournament - that doesn't happen very often at all.
Reducing the number of overs and throwing in some awkward weather conditions invariably brings a contest closer together. Leading players have less time to express themselves and create match-winning displays, while it allows those normally exposed by the longer form to have a greater role.
This match was never expected to equal the pyrotechnics generated by West Indies and South Africa at the Wanderers, but after Ponting decided to bat - when bowling first would have put Zimbabwe under greater early pressure - the feeling was that their muscle and might would overcome the trickiness of the conditions.
There is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said 'we've got to start respecting the game a bit more.'
But one of the beauties of cricket is how the game can change with the conditions. This tournament is being played in three contrasting venues all around South Africa; the high altitude of Johannesburg, the humidity of Durban and the cool of Cape Town. While watching Chris Gayle and Herschelle Gibbs cut loose was hugely entertaining, so was seeing the best team in the world battling against a side that, in recent times, has resembled a poor club side.
Zimbabwe's motley crew of medium-pacers were made to look lethal as the clouds came over and the ball zipped around, but in Johannesburg they would have been cannon-fodder. Australia's instinct was to try and attack their way out of a sticky situation, and not just because this is Twenty20 - they would have played the same way in a Test or one-day international.
However, each time they attempted an expansive shot it went straight up in the air and located a safe pair of Zimbabwean hands. To put Australia's struggle into context they ended the six overs of fielding restrictions on 22 for 3; when Kenya were 1 for 4 against New Zealand earlier in the day they made 23 from the first six. "The top order was diabolical during the warm-ups too," said Ponting. "And I guess that's where we lost it."
Still, though, the feeling was that Australia's 139 would be enough. But early boundaries from Vusi Sibanda gave Zimbabwe some momentum, then rain started adding to the equation. Slowly it became heavier and, as Ponting nervously tried to read a crumpled Duckworth-Lewis print-out, the players were forced off the pitch. Australia were ahead by five runs, but the break gave Zimbabwe time to reassess and when play resumed Taylor played the innings of his life.
Ponting tried sending fielders left, right and centre and endless shies missed the stumps as Zimbabwe's batsmen scampered for everything. It brought back memories of the last time Australia suffered a huge one-day upset, against Bangladesh at Cardiff in 2005, the first result of a tour which culminated in them losing the Ashes - ironically two years ago to the very day.
Their one chance of staying alive in this tournament now rests on beating England on Friday. If that doesn't motivate them, nothing will. All of a sudden this tournament has got very serious for Australia.
www.cricinfo.com
Andrew McGlashan at Newlands
September 12, 2007
Elton Chigumbura celebrates the dismissal of Matthew Hayden in the first over ... Australia were off the pace from the start © Getty Images
Ray Mali, the interim ICC president, evoked gasps from around the globe a few weeks ago when he claimed that Zimbabwe can be the world's No. 1 in three years. It isn't the first time Mali has appeared to be living in his own surreal world, but for one night in Cape Town reality was suspended as Australia, the world champions and tournament favourites, were toppled in a thrilling, unforgettable, upset.
Brendan Taylor paced his innings outstandingly despite a rain interruption, and when he glanced Nathan Bracken off his pads down to fine leg with one ball to spare, the whole Zimbabwe squad - who had been stood as one in the dug-out - erupted in wild celebrations. In recent times they haven't been able to beat national A teams, but now they had taken down the biggest name in the game.
The crowd hadn't quite lived up to the pre-match expectations, but the grass bank by the pavilion included a small patch of Zimbabwe fans and they burst into spontaneous scenes of joy. During the closing stages, however, most of the spectators threw their support behind Zimbabwe, and were rewarded with a lap of honour as Australia licked their wounds. Australia now face the unpalatable prospect of going out at the first hurdle, while Zimbabwe must try to resist their urge to party all night because England await on Thursday afternoon.
But there is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said "we've got to start respecting the game a bit more." He admitted he was embarrassed by the result adding that there "would be many Australians back home feeling the same way."
Ponting has tried to laugh off Australia's previous Twenty20 defeats, especially their memorable 100-run upset against England before the 2005 Ashes, but he wore a stony face after this result. This time Australia have come a cropper in a global tournament - that doesn't happen very often at all.
Reducing the number of overs and throwing in some awkward weather conditions invariably brings a contest closer together. Leading players have less time to express themselves and create match-winning displays, while it allows those normally exposed by the longer form to have a greater role.
This match was never expected to equal the pyrotechnics generated by West Indies and South Africa at the Wanderers, but after Ponting decided to bat - when bowling first would have put Zimbabwe under greater early pressure - the feeling was that their muscle and might would overcome the trickiness of the conditions.
There is a feeling that Australia had this coming. Their attitude towards Twenty20 has verged on the indifferent from the format's very inception, and at the end Ricky Ponting tellingly said 'we've got to start respecting the game a bit more.'
But one of the beauties of cricket is how the game can change with the conditions. This tournament is being played in three contrasting venues all around South Africa; the high altitude of Johannesburg, the humidity of Durban and the cool of Cape Town. While watching Chris Gayle and Herschelle Gibbs cut loose was hugely entertaining, so was seeing the best team in the world battling against a side that, in recent times, has resembled a poor club side.
Zimbabwe's motley crew of medium-pacers were made to look lethal as the clouds came over and the ball zipped around, but in Johannesburg they would have been cannon-fodder. Australia's instinct was to try and attack their way out of a sticky situation, and not just because this is Twenty20 - they would have played the same way in a Test or one-day international.
However, each time they attempted an expansive shot it went straight up in the air and located a safe pair of Zimbabwean hands. To put Australia's struggle into context they ended the six overs of fielding restrictions on 22 for 3; when Kenya were 1 for 4 against New Zealand earlier in the day they made 23 from the first six. "The top order was diabolical during the warm-ups too," said Ponting. "And I guess that's where we lost it."
Still, though, the feeling was that Australia's 139 would be enough. But early boundaries from Vusi Sibanda gave Zimbabwe some momentum, then rain started adding to the equation. Slowly it became heavier and, as Ponting nervously tried to read a crumpled Duckworth-Lewis print-out, the players were forced off the pitch. Australia were ahead by five runs, but the break gave Zimbabwe time to reassess and when play resumed Taylor played the innings of his life.
Ponting tried sending fielders left, right and centre and endless shies missed the stumps as Zimbabwe's batsmen scampered for everything. It brought back memories of the last time Australia suffered a huge one-day upset, against Bangladesh at Cardiff in 2005, the first result of a tour which culminated in them losing the Ashes - ironically two years ago to the very day.
Their one chance of staying alive in this tournament now rests on beating England on Friday. If that doesn't motivate them, nothing will. All of a sudden this tournament has got very serious for Australia.
www.cricinfo.com
Sardarji jokes
Sardar starts shouting in a store......
where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
Dr: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
இன்டர்வியூ
துப்பறியும் நிபுணர் வேலைக்கான இன்டர்வியூ அது. வந்திருந்த மூன்று பேருமே சர்தார்ஜிகள்தான்.
முதல் சர்தார்ஜி உள்ளே அழைக்கப்பட்டார். அவரிடம் ஒரு புகைப்படம் காட்டப்பட்டது. ஒரு நபரின் பக்கவாட்டில் இருந்து எடுத்த படம் அது. ''இவன் ஒரு கிரிமினல். இவனை கரெக்டா ஞாபகம் வெச்சுக்க எதை அடையாளமா எடுத்துக்குவீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் இன்டர்வியூ செய்த அதிகாரி. சர்தார்ஜி சற்றும் தாமதிக்காமல் சொன்னார் - ''அவனுக்கு ஒரு கண்ணுதான் இருக்கு. ஈஸியா பிடிச்சுடலாம் சார்...''
அதிகாரிக்குக் கோபம் வந்துவிட்டது. ''இது என்ன முட்டாள்தனம்? பக்கவாட்டில் எடுக்கப்பட்ட படத்தில் ஒரு கண்தானே தெரியும்? அவனுக்கு இன்னொரு கண் இருக்காதுன்னு எப்படி முடிவுபண்ணலாம்?'' என்று எகிறிவிட்டு, அடுத்த சர்தார்ஜியை அழைத்தார்.
அவரிடமும் அதே புகைப்படம்... அதே கேள்வி!
''ஹா... இவனுக்கு ஒரு காதுதானே இருக்கு. இந்த அடையாளம் போதுமே!'' என்றார் அந்த சர்தார்ஜி. அதிகாரி தன் தலையில் தானே குட்டிக்கொண்டு அவரைத் துரத்திவிட்டார்.
மூன்றாவது சர்தார்ஜி வந்தார். கேள்வியையும் புகைப்படத்தையும் சில விநாடிகள் மனதில் ஓடவிட்டவர், ''அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் போட்டிருக்கான் சார்!'' என்றார்.
அதிகாரிக்கு அது புதிராக இருந்தது. இது உண்மையாக இருக்குமோ என்று அந்த கிரிமினலின் பழைய ரெக்கார்டுகளைப் புரட்டினார். என்ன ஆச்சரியம்! அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் அணியும் பழக்கம் உள்ளவன்தான்!
''என்னால நம்பவே முடியலை.. அற்புதம். அது எப்படி அவ்வளவு கரெக்டா அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் தான் போட்டிருக்கான்னு சொன்னீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் அதிகாரி.
சர்தார்ஜி சொன்னார் - ''இதில் என்ன இருக்கு? அவனால சாதாரண கண்ணாடி அணிய முடியாது. அவனுக்கு ஒரு காது... ஒரு கண்ணுதானே இருக்கு!''
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDAR in ARABIA
************ ********* ******
A Sardar, a German and an American got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were
preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The American was
next up. After watching the German in horror he
said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the American was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked. Sardar smiled and
said, "Tie the American to my back" !!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார் : டாக்டர், என் உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குது, எந்த இடத்தையும் என்னால தொட முடியல, தொட்டா உயிர் போற மாதிரி வலிக்குது.
டாக்டர் : அப்பட்டியா, எங்க உங்க நெத்திய தொடுங்க.
சர்தார் “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க கண்ணத்த தொடுங்க.
மறுபடியும், “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க வயித்த தொடுங்க.
ரொம்ப சத்தமா, “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராறு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : சரி, இதுல எழுதியிருக்குற டெஸ்ட் எல்லாம் எடுத்துட்டு வாங்க
மறு நாள்.
டாக்டர் : உங்க பிரச்சனை என்னனு கண்டுபுடிச்சாச்சு
சர்தார் : என்ன டாக்டர். ?
டாக்டர் : உங்க ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சு போயிருக்கு.
சர்தார் : டாக்டர் ஒரு சந்தேகம், ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சா, உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குமா ? ? ? ? ? ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார் தன்னுடைய நண்பருக்கு போன் செய்கிறார்.
தொலைபேசி : நீங்கள் தொடர்பு கொள்ளும் வாடிக்கையாளர், தொடர்பு எல்லைக்கு வெளியில் உள்ளார்.
சர்தார் : ரொம்ப முக்கியமான விஷயம், கொஞ்சம் உள்ள வர சொல்லுங்க ப்ளீஸ்.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
Dr: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
இன்டர்வியூ
துப்பறியும் நிபுணர் வேலைக்கான இன்டர்வியூ அது. வந்திருந்த மூன்று பேருமே சர்தார்ஜிகள்தான்.
முதல் சர்தார்ஜி உள்ளே அழைக்கப்பட்டார். அவரிடம் ஒரு புகைப்படம் காட்டப்பட்டது. ஒரு நபரின் பக்கவாட்டில் இருந்து எடுத்த படம் அது. ''இவன் ஒரு கிரிமினல். இவனை கரெக்டா ஞாபகம் வெச்சுக்க எதை அடையாளமா எடுத்துக்குவீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் இன்டர்வியூ செய்த அதிகாரி. சர்தார்ஜி சற்றும் தாமதிக்காமல் சொன்னார் - ''அவனுக்கு ஒரு கண்ணுதான் இருக்கு. ஈஸியா பிடிச்சுடலாம் சார்...''
அதிகாரிக்குக் கோபம் வந்துவிட்டது. ''இது என்ன முட்டாள்தனம்? பக்கவாட்டில் எடுக்கப்பட்ட படத்தில் ஒரு கண்தானே தெரியும்? அவனுக்கு இன்னொரு கண் இருக்காதுன்னு எப்படி முடிவுபண்ணலாம்?'' என்று எகிறிவிட்டு, அடுத்த சர்தார்ஜியை அழைத்தார்.
அவரிடமும் அதே புகைப்படம்... அதே கேள்வி!
''ஹா... இவனுக்கு ஒரு காதுதானே இருக்கு. இந்த அடையாளம் போதுமே!'' என்றார் அந்த சர்தார்ஜி. அதிகாரி தன் தலையில் தானே குட்டிக்கொண்டு அவரைத் துரத்திவிட்டார்.
மூன்றாவது சர்தார்ஜி வந்தார். கேள்வியையும் புகைப்படத்தையும் சில விநாடிகள் மனதில் ஓடவிட்டவர், ''அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் போட்டிருக்கான் சார்!'' என்றார்.
அதிகாரிக்கு அது புதிராக இருந்தது. இது உண்மையாக இருக்குமோ என்று அந்த கிரிமினலின் பழைய ரெக்கார்டுகளைப் புரட்டினார். என்ன ஆச்சரியம்! அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் அணியும் பழக்கம் உள்ளவன்தான்!
''என்னால நம்பவே முடியலை.. அற்புதம். அது எப்படி அவ்வளவு கரெக்டா அவன் கான்டாக்ட் லென்ஸ் தான் போட்டிருக்கான்னு சொன்னீங்க?'' என்று கேட்டார் அதிகாரி.
சர்தார்ஜி சொன்னார் - ''இதில் என்ன இருக்கு? அவனால சாதாரண கண்ணாடி அணிய முடியாது. அவனுக்கு ஒரு காது... ஒரு கண்ணுதானே இருக்கு!''
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDAR in ARABIA
************ ********* ******
A Sardar, a German and an American got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were
preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The American was
next up. After watching the German in horror he
said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the American was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked. Sardar smiled and
said, "Tie the American to my back" !!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார் : டாக்டர், என் உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குது, எந்த இடத்தையும் என்னால தொட முடியல, தொட்டா உயிர் போற மாதிரி வலிக்குது.
டாக்டர் : அப்பட்டியா, எங்க உங்க நெத்திய தொடுங்க.
சர்தார் “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க கண்ணத்த தொடுங்க.
மறுபடியும், “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராரு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : உங்க வயித்த தொடுங்க.
ரொம்ப சத்தமா, “அய்யோ, அம்மா” ன்னு கத்தராறு (பஞ்சாபியில)
டாக்டர் : சரி, இதுல எழுதியிருக்குற டெஸ்ட் எல்லாம் எடுத்துட்டு வாங்க
மறு நாள்.
டாக்டர் : உங்க பிரச்சனை என்னனு கண்டுபுடிச்சாச்சு
சர்தார் : என்ன டாக்டர். ?
டாக்டர் : உங்க ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சு போயிருக்கு.
சர்தார் : டாக்டர் ஒரு சந்தேகம், ஆள் காட்டி விரல் உடைஞ்சா, உடம்பு எல்லாம் வலிக்குமா ? ? ? ? ? ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
சர்தார் தன்னுடைய நண்பருக்கு போன் செய்கிறார்.
தொலைபேசி : நீங்கள் தொடர்பு கொள்ளும் வாடிக்கையாளர், தொடர்பு எல்லைக்கு வெளியில் உள்ளார்.
சர்தார் : ரொம்ப முக்கியமான விஷயம், கொஞ்சம் உள்ள வர சொல்லுங்க ப்ளீஸ்.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AAloo paratha
Ingredients:
Potatoes 2
Coriander leaves 5-6 stems
Ginger-Garlic Paste 1 tea spn
Green chillies 2-3
Wheat flour 2-3 cups
Oil and Ghee 2 tbl spn each
Salt
Method:
Add water,salt and little oil to wheat flour.Make dough(similar to chapati dough).Apply oil to the dough and keep for around 1hr.
Cook the potatoes and mash.Make paste of coriander leaves and green chillies.Add this to potatoes.Add ginger-garlic paste and salt.
Take a small ball of dough, spread it like a poori with hand, take a ball(ping pong ball sized) of potato stuffing, keep it on the poori and close the poori over stuffing.
Make paratha applying wheat flour.
Fry paratha on tava, apply ghee on both sides.
Potatoes 2
Coriander leaves 5-6 stems
Ginger-Garlic Paste 1 tea spn
Green chillies 2-3
Wheat flour 2-3 cups
Oil and Ghee 2 tbl spn each
Salt
Method:
Add water,salt and little oil to wheat flour.Make dough(similar to chapati dough).Apply oil to the dough and keep for around 1hr.
Cook the potatoes and mash.Make paste of coriander leaves and green chillies.Add this to potatoes.Add ginger-garlic paste and salt.
Take a small ball of dough, spread it like a poori with hand, take a ball(ping pong ball sized) of potato stuffing, keep it on the poori and close the poori over stuffing.
Make paratha applying wheat flour.
Fry paratha on tava, apply ghee on both sides.
News from chennai
Hoteliers flock to the South
KOLKATA: Three southern States — Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka — have become attractive destinations for hotel projects and an estimated investment of Rs. 4,000 crore is set to flow into these three States in the next five years. In fact, the country’s largest hotel is coming up in Chennai, work on which will begin in a month. This is ITC’s first greenfield project in the State, according to Nakul Anand, head of ITC’s hotel business.
Of the Rs. 4,500 crore investment announced by P. R. S. Oberoi of the Oberoi group of hotels and resorts, a significant proportion would be spent on setting up new properties in the South.
Out of the five hotel projects lined up for opening by the group by 2009, three are in the South — two in Bangalore and one in Hyderabad. This would add not only rooms but also serviced-apartments, a relatively new concept which targets the long-stay corporate client.
The ITC group, which is focussing on its hotel business in a big way is setting up a luxury hotel in Bangalore, besides the one in Chennai. The Tatas too have their plans for this region.
An official of the Hotel Association of India, the industry apex body, said that from the tourism point of view, the South had very rich potential and was a popular destination.
According to Mr. Anand, the presence of a metro and two semi-metros like Bangalore and Hyderabad did enhance the lure of the southern region as a good business proposition for hoteliers. “Infrastructure in this region has developed very well, with the IT and the IT-enabled service segments such as call centres, as well as the automobile industry are generating a higher demand for hotel rooms,” he said.
Rs. 1,000 cr. project
Elaborating on the new hotel in Chennai, which will be called ITC Grand Chola, Mr. Anand told The Hindu that this would come up on an eight-acre plot in Guindy on the former Campa Cola land. Construction was expected to start within a month.
“We are trying to better the industry norm of 36 months,” he said. The Rs. 1,000-crore project will have 550-deluxe rooms. The project also encompasses 100 service apartments, retail space, besides conference and exhibition facilities.
This is ITC’s first greenfield hotel project in Chennai from where it started its hotels business in 1975 with the acquisition of the Chola Hotel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகி விட்டேன். இனிமேல் எந்த அரசியல் கட்சியுடனும் கூட்டணி வைக்க மாட்டேன் என லட்சிய திமுக தலைவரும், இயக்குநருமான விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் திடீரென அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
முன்பு திமுகவில் தீவிரமாக செயல்பட்டவர் டி.ராஜேந்தர். பிறகு திமுகவிலிருந்து நீக்கப்பட்டார். அதன் பின்னர் தாயக மறுமலர்ச்சிக் கழகம் என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சியைத் தொடங்கினார். தேர்தலிலும் போட்டியிட்டு கணிசமான வாக்குகளைப் பெற்றார்.
அதன் பின்னர் சற்று அமைதியாக இருந்த விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் மீண்டும் திமுகவில் இணைந்தார். தேர்தலில் நிறுத்தப்பட்டு எம்.எல்.ஏவும் ஆனார். பிறகு மீண்டும் கட்சித் தலைமையுடன் கருத்து வேறுபாடு ஏற்பட்டது. மீண்டும் திமுகவிலிருந்து விலகினார்.
இதையடுத்து லட்சிய திமுக என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சி கண்டார். கடந்த சட்டசபைத் தேர்தலுக்கு முன்பு அதிமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமான உறவு வைத்திருந்தார். தேர்தலில் தனது கட்சிக்கு கெளரவமான சீட் தரப்படும் என்று எதிர்பார்த்தார். ஆனால் ஒரு சீட் கூட கொடுக்கவில்லை ஜெயலலிதா.
இதனால் கடுப்பான ராஜேந்தர் தனது கட்சி தனித்துப் போட்டியிடும் என அறிவித்தார். சில தொகுதிகளில் வேட்பாளர்களையும் நிறுத்தினார். அவரும் போட்டியிட்டார்.
பிறகு திமுக தரப்பிலிருந்து ராஜேந்தரை அணுகி ஆதரவு கேட்டனர். இதையடுத்து திமுகவுக்கு ஆதரவாக தீவிரப் பிரசாரம் செய்தார். தனது பிரசாரத்தில் ஜெயலலிதாவை கடுமையாக சாடாமல் திமுக அணியிலிருந்து அதிமுக அணிக்குத் தாவிய வைகோவை மட்டும் மிகக் கடுமையாக சாடிப் பேசினார்.
அவரது அடுக்குமொழிப் பேச்சுக்கும், பிரசாரத்திற்கும் செமத்தியான வரவேற்பும் கிடைத்தது.
தேர்தலுக்குப் பின்னர் தீவிர அரசியலில் ஈடுபடாமல் இருந்த ராஜேந்தர், அப்போது திமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமாக இருந்த சன் டிவியில் அரட்டை அரங்கம் நிகழ்ச்சியை நடத்த ஆரம்பித்தார்.
விசு போனதால் விறுவிறுப்பிழந்திருந்த அரட்டைஅரங்கத்திற்கு ராஜேந்தர் வருகை புது பலத்தைக் கொடுத்தது.
இந்த நிலையில் திடீரென திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகுவதாக ராஜேந்தர் அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
இதுதொடர்பாக இன்று செய்தியாளர்களிடம் அவர் பேசுகையில், எனக்கு திமுக அணியில் அங்கீகாரம் கிடைக்கவில்லை. எனவே திமுக கூட்டணியிலிருந்து லட்சிய திமுக விலகுகிறது.
இனிமேல் லட்சிய திமுக தனித்து செயல்படும். யாருடனும் கூட்டு சேர மாட்டோம். யாருக்கும் பல்லக்கு தூக்கத் தயாராக இல்லை. யாரையும் தட்டிக் கேட்க தயங்க மாட்டேன்.
தமிழகத்தில் திமுக கூட்டணியில் சொல்ல முடியாத அளவுக்கு குழப்பம் நிலவுகிறது. கூட்டணிச் சிக்கலை சரி செய்வதிலும், சந்திப்பதிலும் மட்டுமே ஆட்சியாளர்கள் கவனம் செலுத்துகிறார்கள். ஒரு சர்க்கஸ் வித்தை போல நடந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறது.
கட்சி பொதுக்குழுவைக் கூட்டியுள்ளோம். அப்போது எதிர்கால நடவடிக்கை குறித்து முடிவு செய்து அறிவிப்போம் என்றார் ராஜேந்தர்.
Ha ha ha ha!!!!A big political twist in tamilnadu!!!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mall and multiplex wave is set to sweep across Chennai, with over 20 malls planned in the next three years.
The city, where India’s first mall, Spencer Plaza, was set up in 1975, is expected to absorb over Rs 3,000 crore in the coming years.
Realty majors such as Prestige Group, Shriram Properties and DLF are in the forefront of mall development in the city and beyond.
Bangalore-based Prestige is drawing up plans for a second Forum mall in the city’s artery, Mount Road, while completing the first Rs 350-crore Forum mall at Vadapalani in Chennai, in collaboration with Vijaya Group.
The Vadapalani mall, spread over 17 lakh square feet, will feature a seven-screen multiplex, over 100 shops, two departmental stores, a 1,40,000 square feet hypermarket. The mall is expected to become operational in the first quarter of 2010.
SOUTHERN SPICE
List of malls coming up in Chennai
Mall Name Developer Built-up area (sq.ft)
The Forum (Mount Rd) Prestige Group 12,75,000 *
The Forum (Vadapalani) Prestige Group 17,00,000
Velachery Mall Kshitij 21,00,000
Nungambakkam High Kshitij 1,17,207 *
Ampa Mall Ampa Housing 4,00,000
Express Mall Express Estates 8,00,000
DLF Mico Mall DLF 4,00,000
Kshitij Mall Kshitij 9,00,000 *
Coromandel Plaza Suryavardhan Estates 2,75,000 *
River Side Marg Constructions 11,00,000
Shriram Mall Shriram Properties 8,00,000
Allied Mall Allied Housing 7,00,000
P S Mall P S Group 2,00,000 *
Ozone Mall Ozone Group 14,00,000
SSI Binny Mall SSI Group Undecided
Baskara Mall Baskara Construction 4,00,000 *
“Vadapalani is a large residential catchment area, which is well connected by two important roads – Arcot Road and Nehru Road. Footfalls in this important location in the heart of the city will be higher compared to other areas,” said Muhammed Ali, DGM (mall leasing), Prestige Group.
While over the last year and a half, the attention of developers was focused on the residential sector, the feverish activity being raked up on the commercial and retail fronts is seen as a logical extension.
These have increased the demand for mall space even in areas such as Aminjikarai, Besant Nagar, Velachery, Mogappair, Sirusseri, Semmenchery and Perambur.
While Allied Housing & Development is planning a seven lakh square feet mall at Sirusseri on the Old Mahabalipuram Road, Chennai’s IT corridor, Ozone Group’s 14 lakh square feet Ozone Mall is coming up at its integrated township Metro Zone in Anna Nagar.
Company showrooms are expected to take up at least 90 per cent of the floor area in these malls, where the standard rentals are Rs 12-15 per square feet. This works out cheaper for companies, which would otherwise have to lease dedicated spaces at Rs 50-60 per square feet in retail hotbeds of the city like T-Nagar, Nungambakkam and Anna Nagar.
“While office rentals in the city are still on the higher side, they may not be attracted to rent spaces in malls. Malls are dedicated retail spaces, but it remains to be seen if the demand exists in Chennai,” cautioned Abdur Ravoof, a partner with Property Care.
But the action is on. River Side, a jumbo mall at Karapakkam near Chennai, when completed in the fourth quarter of 2008, would take up 11 lakh square feet of built-up space, including a mammoth parking area, according to industry sources. The mall is being set up at a cost of Rs 500 crore, with a Rs 100-crore loan from HUDCO. Marg Constructions, the project developer who has invested Rs 50 crore, is on the lookout for strategic investors to raise Rs 100 crore, and hopes to raise the rest through a mixture of debt and equity.
According to G R K Reddy, managing director, Marg Constructions, 30 per cent of the space at the new mall has already been booked. “The demand for organised retail in Chennai has been growing by leaps and bounds. Karapakkam is a good strategic location for our retail operations,” Reddy said.
Industry sources said the Fame Adlabs theatre chain, owned by Mumbai-based Shringar Cinemas, would start its south India operations with a four-screen multiplex at River Side.
Satyam, Inox and PVR, which have been operating theatre chains in Chennai, are likely to increase their footprint through these malls, along with new entrants such as Cinemax and Fame. While PVR is planning screens at the four lakh square feet Ampa Mall, Satyam is known to have leased space at the upcoming eight lakh square feet Express Mall, coming up on land formerly owned by Indian Express Group (Madurai). Westside is planning to set up flagship stores at both these malls once they become operational in mid-2008.
KOLKATA: Three southern States — Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka — have become attractive destinations for hotel projects and an estimated investment of Rs. 4,000 crore is set to flow into these three States in the next five years. In fact, the country’s largest hotel is coming up in Chennai, work on which will begin in a month. This is ITC’s first greenfield project in the State, according to Nakul Anand, head of ITC’s hotel business.
Of the Rs. 4,500 crore investment announced by P. R. S. Oberoi of the Oberoi group of hotels and resorts, a significant proportion would be spent on setting up new properties in the South.
Out of the five hotel projects lined up for opening by the group by 2009, three are in the South — two in Bangalore and one in Hyderabad. This would add not only rooms but also serviced-apartments, a relatively new concept which targets the long-stay corporate client.
The ITC group, which is focussing on its hotel business in a big way is setting up a luxury hotel in Bangalore, besides the one in Chennai. The Tatas too have their plans for this region.
An official of the Hotel Association of India, the industry apex body, said that from the tourism point of view, the South had very rich potential and was a popular destination.
According to Mr. Anand, the presence of a metro and two semi-metros like Bangalore and Hyderabad did enhance the lure of the southern region as a good business proposition for hoteliers. “Infrastructure in this region has developed very well, with the IT and the IT-enabled service segments such as call centres, as well as the automobile industry are generating a higher demand for hotel rooms,” he said.
Rs. 1,000 cr. project
Elaborating on the new hotel in Chennai, which will be called ITC Grand Chola, Mr. Anand told The Hindu that this would come up on an eight-acre plot in Guindy on the former Campa Cola land. Construction was expected to start within a month.
“We are trying to better the industry norm of 36 months,” he said. The Rs. 1,000-crore project will have 550-deluxe rooms. The project also encompasses 100 service apartments, retail space, besides conference and exhibition facilities.
This is ITC’s first greenfield hotel project in Chennai from where it started its hotels business in 1975 with the acquisition of the Chola Hotel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகி விட்டேன். இனிமேல் எந்த அரசியல் கட்சியுடனும் கூட்டணி வைக்க மாட்டேன் என லட்சிய திமுக தலைவரும், இயக்குநருமான விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் திடீரென அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
முன்பு திமுகவில் தீவிரமாக செயல்பட்டவர் டி.ராஜேந்தர். பிறகு திமுகவிலிருந்து நீக்கப்பட்டார். அதன் பின்னர் தாயக மறுமலர்ச்சிக் கழகம் என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சியைத் தொடங்கினார். தேர்தலிலும் போட்டியிட்டு கணிசமான வாக்குகளைப் பெற்றார்.
அதன் பின்னர் சற்று அமைதியாக இருந்த விஜய டி.ராஜேந்தர் மீண்டும் திமுகவில் இணைந்தார். தேர்தலில் நிறுத்தப்பட்டு எம்.எல்.ஏவும் ஆனார். பிறகு மீண்டும் கட்சித் தலைமையுடன் கருத்து வேறுபாடு ஏற்பட்டது. மீண்டும் திமுகவிலிருந்து விலகினார்.
இதையடுத்து லட்சிய திமுக என்ற பெயரில் புதிய கட்சி கண்டார். கடந்த சட்டசபைத் தேர்தலுக்கு முன்பு அதிமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமான உறவு வைத்திருந்தார். தேர்தலில் தனது கட்சிக்கு கெளரவமான சீட் தரப்படும் என்று எதிர்பார்த்தார். ஆனால் ஒரு சீட் கூட கொடுக்கவில்லை ஜெயலலிதா.
இதனால் கடுப்பான ராஜேந்தர் தனது கட்சி தனித்துப் போட்டியிடும் என அறிவித்தார். சில தொகுதிகளில் வேட்பாளர்களையும் நிறுத்தினார். அவரும் போட்டியிட்டார்.
பிறகு திமுக தரப்பிலிருந்து ராஜேந்தரை அணுகி ஆதரவு கேட்டனர். இதையடுத்து திமுகவுக்கு ஆதரவாக தீவிரப் பிரசாரம் செய்தார். தனது பிரசாரத்தில் ஜெயலலிதாவை கடுமையாக சாடாமல் திமுக அணியிலிருந்து அதிமுக அணிக்குத் தாவிய வைகோவை மட்டும் மிகக் கடுமையாக சாடிப் பேசினார்.
அவரது அடுக்குமொழிப் பேச்சுக்கும், பிரசாரத்திற்கும் செமத்தியான வரவேற்பும் கிடைத்தது.
தேர்தலுக்குப் பின்னர் தீவிர அரசியலில் ஈடுபடாமல் இருந்த ராஜேந்தர், அப்போது திமுகவுடன் நெருக்கமாக இருந்த சன் டிவியில் அரட்டை அரங்கம் நிகழ்ச்சியை நடத்த ஆரம்பித்தார்.
விசு போனதால் விறுவிறுப்பிழந்திருந்த அரட்டைஅரங்கத்திற்கு ராஜேந்தர் வருகை புது பலத்தைக் கொடுத்தது.
இந்த நிலையில் திடீரென திமுக அணியிலிருந்து விலகுவதாக ராஜேந்தர் அறிவித்துள்ளார்.
இதுதொடர்பாக இன்று செய்தியாளர்களிடம் அவர் பேசுகையில், எனக்கு திமுக அணியில் அங்கீகாரம் கிடைக்கவில்லை. எனவே திமுக கூட்டணியிலிருந்து லட்சிய திமுக விலகுகிறது.
இனிமேல் லட்சிய திமுக தனித்து செயல்படும். யாருடனும் கூட்டு சேர மாட்டோம். யாருக்கும் பல்லக்கு தூக்கத் தயாராக இல்லை. யாரையும் தட்டிக் கேட்க தயங்க மாட்டேன்.
தமிழகத்தில் திமுக கூட்டணியில் சொல்ல முடியாத அளவுக்கு குழப்பம் நிலவுகிறது. கூட்டணிச் சிக்கலை சரி செய்வதிலும், சந்திப்பதிலும் மட்டுமே ஆட்சியாளர்கள் கவனம் செலுத்துகிறார்கள். ஒரு சர்க்கஸ் வித்தை போல நடந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறது.
கட்சி பொதுக்குழுவைக் கூட்டியுள்ளோம். அப்போது எதிர்கால நடவடிக்கை குறித்து முடிவு செய்து அறிவிப்போம் என்றார் ராஜேந்தர்.
Ha ha ha ha!!!!A big political twist in tamilnadu!!!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mall and multiplex wave is set to sweep across Chennai, with over 20 malls planned in the next three years.
The city, where India’s first mall, Spencer Plaza, was set up in 1975, is expected to absorb over Rs 3,000 crore in the coming years.
Realty majors such as Prestige Group, Shriram Properties and DLF are in the forefront of mall development in the city and beyond.
Bangalore-based Prestige is drawing up plans for a second Forum mall in the city’s artery, Mount Road, while completing the first Rs 350-crore Forum mall at Vadapalani in Chennai, in collaboration with Vijaya Group.
The Vadapalani mall, spread over 17 lakh square feet, will feature a seven-screen multiplex, over 100 shops, two departmental stores, a 1,40,000 square feet hypermarket. The mall is expected to become operational in the first quarter of 2010.
SOUTHERN SPICE
List of malls coming up in Chennai
Mall Name Developer Built-up area (sq.ft)
The Forum (Mount Rd) Prestige Group 12,75,000 *
The Forum (Vadapalani) Prestige Group 17,00,000
Velachery Mall Kshitij 21,00,000
Nungambakkam High Kshitij 1,17,207 *
Ampa Mall Ampa Housing 4,00,000
Express Mall Express Estates 8,00,000
DLF Mico Mall DLF 4,00,000
Kshitij Mall Kshitij 9,00,000 *
Coromandel Plaza Suryavardhan Estates 2,75,000 *
River Side Marg Constructions 11,00,000
Shriram Mall Shriram Properties 8,00,000
Allied Mall Allied Housing 7,00,000
P S Mall P S Group 2,00,000 *
Ozone Mall Ozone Group 14,00,000
SSI Binny Mall SSI Group Undecided
Baskara Mall Baskara Construction 4,00,000 *
“Vadapalani is a large residential catchment area, which is well connected by two important roads – Arcot Road and Nehru Road. Footfalls in this important location in the heart of the city will be higher compared to other areas,” said Muhammed Ali, DGM (mall leasing), Prestige Group.
While over the last year and a half, the attention of developers was focused on the residential sector, the feverish activity being raked up on the commercial and retail fronts is seen as a logical extension.
These have increased the demand for mall space even in areas such as Aminjikarai, Besant Nagar, Velachery, Mogappair, Sirusseri, Semmenchery and Perambur.
While Allied Housing & Development is planning a seven lakh square feet mall at Sirusseri on the Old Mahabalipuram Road, Chennai’s IT corridor, Ozone Group’s 14 lakh square feet Ozone Mall is coming up at its integrated township Metro Zone in Anna Nagar.
Company showrooms are expected to take up at least 90 per cent of the floor area in these malls, where the standard rentals are Rs 12-15 per square feet. This works out cheaper for companies, which would otherwise have to lease dedicated spaces at Rs 50-60 per square feet in retail hotbeds of the city like T-Nagar, Nungambakkam and Anna Nagar.
“While office rentals in the city are still on the higher side, they may not be attracted to rent spaces in malls. Malls are dedicated retail spaces, but it remains to be seen if the demand exists in Chennai,” cautioned Abdur Ravoof, a partner with Property Care.
But the action is on. River Side, a jumbo mall at Karapakkam near Chennai, when completed in the fourth quarter of 2008, would take up 11 lakh square feet of built-up space, including a mammoth parking area, according to industry sources. The mall is being set up at a cost of Rs 500 crore, with a Rs 100-crore loan from HUDCO. Marg Constructions, the project developer who has invested Rs 50 crore, is on the lookout for strategic investors to raise Rs 100 crore, and hopes to raise the rest through a mixture of debt and equity.
According to G R K Reddy, managing director, Marg Constructions, 30 per cent of the space at the new mall has already been booked. “The demand for organised retail in Chennai has been growing by leaps and bounds. Karapakkam is a good strategic location for our retail operations,” Reddy said.
Industry sources said the Fame Adlabs theatre chain, owned by Mumbai-based Shringar Cinemas, would start its south India operations with a four-screen multiplex at River Side.
Satyam, Inox and PVR, which have been operating theatre chains in Chennai, are likely to increase their footprint through these malls, along with new entrants such as Cinemax and Fame. While PVR is planning screens at the four lakh square feet Ampa Mall, Satyam is known to have leased space at the upcoming eight lakh square feet Express Mall, coming up on land formerly owned by Indian Express Group (Madurai). Westside is planning to set up flagship stores at both these malls once they become operational in mid-2008.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Swinging in her seventies
Asha Bhonsle turned 74 recently. Tracing her musical journey
------------------------------------------------------------
Living legend Asha Bhonsle
There are some artistes about whom you can write repeatedly and still have something to say. You never tire of reading about them. One such is Asha Bhonsle. The legend, who began her 75th year on September 8, still rocks. Her voice has not lost the f reshness it had when she sang her first song, a Marathi one, in 1943 or her first Hindi song “Saawan Aaya” in 1948.
Asha’s middle name is versatility. The Asha who hits that right romantic note with “Yeh reshami zulfon ka”, “Isharon isharon me”, the Westernised “Raat baki, baat baki” or “Kambakth ishq” can make a shayar swoon with her classical “Dil cheez kya hai”. Who can forget the voice that lent cult status to “Chura liya” and “Dum maro dum” or had everybody hum “Gunguna rahe hai bhawraen”? What about “Tanha tanha” picturised on the sultry Urmila Matondkar? And Asha was in her sixties when she sang that! The same voice could take people to great spiritual realms with bhajans in Marathi, be it “Kanadavo Vittala”, a saint Dyaneshwar poem or Marathi natya sangeet composed by her father Dinanath Mangeshkar.
Asha first tasted big success with “Naya Daur”, but her ability to sing Westernised tunes came to the fore with R.D. Burman’s work for the 1966 hit, “Teesri Manzil” (“O mere sona re”). In fact, the film’s hero Shammi Kapoor is believed to have said, “If I did not have Mohammad Rafi to sing for me, I would have got Asha Bhosle to do the job.”
Asha has reinvented herself at every stage. She refreshed her knowledge of intricate Hindustani bols and raags with Ustad Ali Akbar Khan and went on to do the album “Legacy” with him, which got her a Grammy nomination. She was game to work with international artistes such as Boy Zone, Michael Stripe, Code Red and even cricket’s poster boy-turned-singer Brett Lee. Of course, ghazals are second nature to her. She has sung in over 14 languages, including Tamil. What’s more, she even tried out the remix genre with “Rahul and I”. Starring in music videos, her classic saris, huge pearls and a 100-watt smile in place, this was a glamorous Asha keeping step with youngsters, and enjoying every moment of it.
Well, clichéd as it may sound, here’s an artiste who is as comfortable with ragas as she’s with riffs. Asha Bhonsle truly the original diva is still young at 74!
------------------------------------------------------------
Living legend Asha Bhonsle
There are some artistes about whom you can write repeatedly and still have something to say. You never tire of reading about them. One such is Asha Bhonsle. The legend, who began her 75th year on September 8, still rocks. Her voice has not lost the f reshness it had when she sang her first song, a Marathi one, in 1943 or her first Hindi song “Saawan Aaya” in 1948.
Asha’s middle name is versatility. The Asha who hits that right romantic note with “Yeh reshami zulfon ka”, “Isharon isharon me”, the Westernised “Raat baki, baat baki” or “Kambakth ishq” can make a shayar swoon with her classical “Dil cheez kya hai”. Who can forget the voice that lent cult status to “Chura liya” and “Dum maro dum” or had everybody hum “Gunguna rahe hai bhawraen”? What about “Tanha tanha” picturised on the sultry Urmila Matondkar? And Asha was in her sixties when she sang that! The same voice could take people to great spiritual realms with bhajans in Marathi, be it “Kanadavo Vittala”, a saint Dyaneshwar poem or Marathi natya sangeet composed by her father Dinanath Mangeshkar.
Asha first tasted big success with “Naya Daur”, but her ability to sing Westernised tunes came to the fore with R.D. Burman’s work for the 1966 hit, “Teesri Manzil” (“O mere sona re”). In fact, the film’s hero Shammi Kapoor is believed to have said, “If I did not have Mohammad Rafi to sing for me, I would have got Asha Bhosle to do the job.”
Asha has reinvented herself at every stage. She refreshed her knowledge of intricate Hindustani bols and raags with Ustad Ali Akbar Khan and went on to do the album “Legacy” with him, which got her a Grammy nomination. She was game to work with international artistes such as Boy Zone, Michael Stripe, Code Red and even cricket’s poster boy-turned-singer Brett Lee. Of course, ghazals are second nature to her. She has sung in over 14 languages, including Tamil. What’s more, she even tried out the remix genre with “Rahul and I”. Starring in music videos, her classic saris, huge pearls and a 100-watt smile in place, this was a glamorous Asha keeping step with youngsters, and enjoying every moment of it.
Well, clichéd as it may sound, here’s an artiste who is as comfortable with ragas as she’s with riffs. Asha Bhonsle truly the original diva is still young at 74!
Just for Laugh
A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house
and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been
knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family
room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as
it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet
towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TWO COWS:
INDIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and a well. Each cow produces 5 litres of milk
each, and you sell 50 litres of milk per day.
KERALA SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and you employ four people at rates prescribed by
the unions to milk the cow. You have to provide them a basic salary,
DA, TA, medical benefits, provident fund, pension, etc. and your wife
milks the cow as your employees are on strike. Naturally, the
business would be unprofitable, but you can't sell the cows as it would lead
to a lockout of the production unit, which will lead to unemployment for
the four employees. So, you will go to Dubai to milk cows there and
provide salary to your employees and your wife would milk the cows
here.
DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them
in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell
off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit
and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100%
profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first
to attract attention.
QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one
realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you
go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows boobs in the
shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in
the first place.
SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the gov't decides to ban all
cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on
one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other or
to hire females and train to milk the cows ... the debate is still going
on.
BAHRAIN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Some high gov't official steals one, milks it,
sells the milk and pockets the profit. The gov't tells you there is just
one cow and not enough milk for the ppl. The ppl riot and scream death to
the govt and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for
11 month, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same
time so cut back on unemployment.
LEBANON SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled
by the gov't.
EGYPT SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!
ISRAEL SYSTEM:
You have no cows. You steal your neighbour's and say its yours.
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cleaning the Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?" asked the grocer, curiously.
The boy replied, "I think it was the spin cycle in the washing machine...!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"மத்த டாக்டரெல்லாம், 100 ரூபாய் 200 ரூபாய்னு ஃபீஸ் வாங்கறப்போ- நீங்க மட்டும் முப்பது ரூபாய் வாங்கறீங்களே!"
"பி.காம் செகண்ட் இயர் படிச்சுட்டு, ப்ராக்டிஸ் பண்றதுக்கு இதுக்குமேல வாங்கறது நியாயமில்லையே!"
******
" நலம், நலம் அறிய ஆவலனு அரசர் அனுப்பிய ஓலைக்கு, எதிரி நாட்டு மன்னர் கோபமா பதில் அனுப்பியிருக்கார்"
"அப்படியா! என்ன அனுப்பினார்?"
" களம், களமறிய ஆவல்னு"
******
"நான் பாடினா- கேட்டுக்கிட்டே இருக்கலாம்"
"ஆமாம், எப்போது ஓடலாம்னு எல்லாரும் 'கேட்' டுக்கிட்டேதான் இருப்பாங்க"
******
"அவர் பல்டாக்டர் தானே!"
"எப்படிக் கண்டுபிடிச்சே?"
"மிதியடிலே 'பல்வரவு'ன்னு போட்டிருக்கே!"
******
"கல்யாணம் ஆனதிலேருந்து, எனக்கு அடிக்கடி உடம்பு சரியாயில்லே!"
"அப்போ, மண-நோயாளின்னு சொல்லுங்க!"
**
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
அப்பா: டேய்..பக்கத்து வீட்டுல போய் சுத்தியல் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்க கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி..எதிர் வீட்டுல போய் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்களும் கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி விடு..சரியாண கஞ்சப்பசங்க...போயி நம்ம வீட்டுல இருக்கும் சுத்தியலைக் கொண்டு வா!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ஒரு ஏரோப்ளேனும் ராக்கெட்டும் அருகருகே செல்லும் போது ஏரோப்ளேன் ராக்கெட்டை பார்த்து இருவருக்கும் ஒரே எரிபொருள் தான் நிரப்புகிறார்கள். அதெப்படி நீ மட்டும் மிக வேகமாக செல்கிறாய் என்று கேட்டது. அதற்கு ராக்கெட், உனக்கும் பின்னாடி தீ வைத்தால் தெரியும் சேதி என்றது.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math problems
on the floor?
JOHNNY: You asked me to solve them without using
tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how *I*
spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish
him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
JOHNNY: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
JOHNNY: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no
longer interested?
JOHNNY A Teacher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to
Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need
some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Cheers!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
வருடம் கி.பி 2046
சச்சின் டெண்டுல்கரும், சவுரவ் கங்குலியும் ஒரு பூங்காவில் உட்கார்ந்து பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கிறார்கள்.
திடீரென சச்சினுக்கு ஒரு சந்தேகம், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுவார்களா ? இருவரும் விவாதித்து விவாதித்து ஒரு முடிவுக்கு வர முடியவில்லை. எனவே இருவரும் ஒரு ஒப்பந்தத்துக்கு வந்தார்கள்.
இருவரில் யார் முதலில் இறக்கிறார்களோ அவர்கள் உயிரோடிருப்பவருக்கு தகவல் சொல்ல வேண்டும். சொர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாட்டு உண்டா இல்லையா என்று.
நாட்கள் நகர்ந்தன.
பாவம் சச்சின். மெக்ராத் பந்தில் கிளீன் போல்ட் ஆவது போல கனவு கண்டு மாரடைப்பில் ஒரு நாள் மரித்துப் போனார்.
கங்குலி அதே பூங்காவில் காத்திருந்தார். சச்சினின் தகவலுக்காக.
திடீரென்று ஒரு குரல்..
கங்குலி…கங்குலி….
அழைத்தது சச்சினே தான். பரவசமடைந்த கங்குலி வேக வேகமாகக் கேட்டான். சச்சின், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்களா ?
சச்சின் சொன்னார், உனக்குச் சொல்ல இரண்டு விஷயங்கள் இருக்கின்றன. ஒன்று நல்ல விஷயம் , இன்னொன்று கொஞ்சம் மோசமான விஷயம் தான்.
சரி சொல்லு, கங்குலி கேட்டான்
சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்கள். இது நல்ல செய்தி.
சரி மோசமான செய்தி என்ன ?
வரும் வெள்ளிக்கிழமை நீ தான் துவக்க ஆட்டக்காரர் !
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.
Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
புதிதாகக் கோடீசுவரரான ஒருவர் தம் பங்களாவில் மூன்று நீச்சல் குளங்கள் கட்டியிருந்தார்.
வந்த ஒருவர் "எதற்காக மூன்று?" என்று கேட்டார்?
"ஒன்று வெந்நீர் இன்னொன்று தண்ணீர், மூன்றாவது வெறுமையாக இருக்கும்" என்றார் கோடீசுவரர்.
"தண்ணீர் இல்லாமல் ஏன் வெறுமையாக நீச்சல் குளம் கட்டியிருக்கீங்க?" என்று கேட்டார் வந்தவர்.
"நீச்சல் தெரியாதவர்களுக்காக" என்று பதில் சொன்னார் அவர்
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house
and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been
knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family
room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as
it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet
towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TWO COWS:
INDIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and a well. Each cow produces 5 litres of milk
each, and you sell 50 litres of milk per day.
KERALA SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and you employ four people at rates prescribed by
the unions to milk the cow. You have to provide them a basic salary,
DA, TA, medical benefits, provident fund, pension, etc. and your wife
milks the cow as your employees are on strike. Naturally, the
business would be unprofitable, but you can't sell the cows as it would lead
to a lockout of the production unit, which will lead to unemployment for
the four employees. So, you will go to Dubai to milk cows there and
provide salary to your employees and your wife would milk the cows
here.
DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them
in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell
off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit
and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100%
profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first
to attract attention.
QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one
realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you
go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows boobs in the
shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in
the first place.
SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the gov't decides to ban all
cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on
one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other or
to hire females and train to milk the cows ... the debate is still going
on.
BAHRAIN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Some high gov't official steals one, milks it,
sells the milk and pockets the profit. The gov't tells you there is just
one cow and not enough milk for the ppl. The ppl riot and scream death to
the govt and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for
11 month, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same
time so cut back on unemployment.
LEBANON SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled
by the gov't.
EGYPT SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!
ISRAEL SYSTEM:
You have no cows. You steal your neighbour's and say its yours.
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cleaning the Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?" asked the grocer, curiously.
The boy replied, "I think it was the spin cycle in the washing machine...!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"மத்த டாக்டரெல்லாம், 100 ரூபாய் 200 ரூபாய்னு ஃபீஸ் வாங்கறப்போ- நீங்க மட்டும் முப்பது ரூபாய் வாங்கறீங்களே!"
"பி.காம் செகண்ட் இயர் படிச்சுட்டு, ப்ராக்டிஸ் பண்றதுக்கு இதுக்குமேல வாங்கறது நியாயமில்லையே!"
******
" நலம், நலம் அறிய ஆவலனு அரசர் அனுப்பிய ஓலைக்கு, எதிரி நாட்டு மன்னர் கோபமா பதில் அனுப்பியிருக்கார்"
"அப்படியா! என்ன அனுப்பினார்?"
" களம், களமறிய ஆவல்னு"
******
"நான் பாடினா- கேட்டுக்கிட்டே இருக்கலாம்"
"ஆமாம், எப்போது ஓடலாம்னு எல்லாரும் 'கேட்' டுக்கிட்டேதான் இருப்பாங்க"
******
"அவர் பல்டாக்டர் தானே!"
"எப்படிக் கண்டுபிடிச்சே?"
"மிதியடிலே 'பல்வரவு'ன்னு போட்டிருக்கே!"
******
"கல்யாணம் ஆனதிலேருந்து, எனக்கு அடிக்கடி உடம்பு சரியாயில்லே!"
"அப்போ, மண-நோயாளின்னு சொல்லுங்க!"
**
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
அப்பா: டேய்..பக்கத்து வீட்டுல போய் சுத்தியல் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்க கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி..எதிர் வீட்டுல போய் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்களும் கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி விடு..சரியாண கஞ்சப்பசங்க...போயி நம்ம வீட்டுல இருக்கும் சுத்தியலைக் கொண்டு வா!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ஒரு ஏரோப்ளேனும் ராக்கெட்டும் அருகருகே செல்லும் போது ஏரோப்ளேன் ராக்கெட்டை பார்த்து இருவருக்கும் ஒரே எரிபொருள் தான் நிரப்புகிறார்கள். அதெப்படி நீ மட்டும் மிக வேகமாக செல்கிறாய் என்று கேட்டது. அதற்கு ராக்கெட், உனக்கும் பின்னாடி தீ வைத்தால் தெரியும் சேதி என்றது.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math problems
on the floor?
JOHNNY: You asked me to solve them without using
tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how *I*
spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish
him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
JOHNNY: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
JOHNNY: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no
longer interested?
JOHNNY A Teacher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to
Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need
some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Cheers!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
வருடம் கி.பி 2046
சச்சின் டெண்டுல்கரும், சவுரவ் கங்குலியும் ஒரு பூங்காவில் உட்கார்ந்து பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கிறார்கள்.
திடீரென சச்சினுக்கு ஒரு சந்தேகம், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுவார்களா ? இருவரும் விவாதித்து விவாதித்து ஒரு முடிவுக்கு வர முடியவில்லை. எனவே இருவரும் ஒரு ஒப்பந்தத்துக்கு வந்தார்கள்.
இருவரில் யார் முதலில் இறக்கிறார்களோ அவர்கள் உயிரோடிருப்பவருக்கு தகவல் சொல்ல வேண்டும். சொர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாட்டு உண்டா இல்லையா என்று.
நாட்கள் நகர்ந்தன.
பாவம் சச்சின். மெக்ராத் பந்தில் கிளீன் போல்ட் ஆவது போல கனவு கண்டு மாரடைப்பில் ஒரு நாள் மரித்துப் போனார்.
கங்குலி அதே பூங்காவில் காத்திருந்தார். சச்சினின் தகவலுக்காக.
திடீரென்று ஒரு குரல்..
கங்குலி…கங்குலி….
அழைத்தது சச்சினே தான். பரவசமடைந்த கங்குலி வேக வேகமாகக் கேட்டான். சச்சின், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்களா ?
சச்சின் சொன்னார், உனக்குச் சொல்ல இரண்டு விஷயங்கள் இருக்கின்றன. ஒன்று நல்ல விஷயம் , இன்னொன்று கொஞ்சம் மோசமான விஷயம் தான்.
சரி சொல்லு, கங்குலி கேட்டான்
சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்கள். இது நல்ல செய்தி.
சரி மோசமான செய்தி என்ன ?
வரும் வெள்ளிக்கிழமை நீ தான் துவக்க ஆட்டக்காரர் !
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.
Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
புதிதாகக் கோடீசுவரரான ஒருவர் தம் பங்களாவில் மூன்று நீச்சல் குளங்கள் கட்டியிருந்தார்.
வந்த ஒருவர் "எதற்காக மூன்று?" என்று கேட்டார்?
"ஒன்று வெந்நீர் இன்னொன்று தண்ணீர், மூன்றாவது வெறுமையாக இருக்கும்" என்றார் கோடீசுவரர்.
"தண்ணீர் இல்லாமல் ஏன் வெறுமையாக நீச்சல் குளம் கட்டியிருக்கீங்க?" என்று கேட்டார் வந்தவர்.
"நீச்சல் தெரியாதவர்களுக்காக" என்று பதில் சொன்னார் அவர்
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
