Just for Laugh

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."

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A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house
and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been
knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family
room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as

it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet
towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"


She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
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TWO COWS:

INDIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and a well. Each cow produces 5 litres of milk
each, and you sell 50 litres of milk per day.

KERALA SYSTEM:
You have two cows, and you employ four people at rates prescribed by
the unions to milk the cow. You have to provide them a basic salary,
DA, TA, medical benefits, provident fund, pension, etc. and your wife
milks the cow as your employees are on strike. Naturally, the
business would be unprofitable, but you can't sell the cows as it would lead
to a lockout of the production unit, which will lead to unemployment for
the four employees. So, you will go to Dubai to milk cows there and
provide salary to your employees and your wife would milk the cows
here.


DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them
in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell
off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit
and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100%
profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first
to attract attention.

QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one
realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you
go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows boobs in the
shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in
the first place.

SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the gov't decides to ban all
cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on
one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other or
to hire females and train to milk the cows ... the debate is still going
on.

BAHRAIN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Some high gov't official steals one, milks it,
sells the milk and pockets the profit. The gov't tells you there is just
one cow and not enough milk for the ppl. The ppl riot and scream death to
the govt and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for
11 month, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same
time so cut back on unemployment.

LEBANON SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled
by the gov't.

EGYPT SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!

ISRAEL SYSTEM:
You have no cows. You steal your neighbour's and say its yours.

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad


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Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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Cleaning the Dog

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?" asked the grocer, curiously.

The boy replied, "I think it was the spin cycle in the washing machine...!"

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"மத்த டாக்டரெல்லாம், 100 ரூபாய் 200 ரூபாய்னு ஃபீஸ் வாங்கறப்போ- நீங்க மட்டும் முப்பது ரூபாய் வாங்கறீங்களே!"

"பி.காம் செகண்ட் இயர் படிச்சுட்டு, ப்ராக்டிஸ் பண்றதுக்கு இதுக்குமேல வாங்கறது நியாயமில்லையே!"

******

" நலம், நலம் அறிய ஆவலனு அரசர் அனுப்பிய ஓலைக்கு, எதிரி நாட்டு மன்னர் கோபமா பதில் அனுப்பியிருக்கார்"

"அப்படியா! என்ன அனுப்பினார்?"

" களம், களமறிய ஆவல்னு"

******

"நான் பாடினா- கேட்டுக்கிட்டே இருக்கலாம்"

"ஆமாம், எப்போது ஓடலாம்னு எல்லாரும் 'கேட்' டுக்கிட்டேதான் இருப்பாங்க"

******

"அவர் பல்டாக்டர் தானே!"

"எப்படிக் கண்டுபிடிச்சே?"

"மிதியடிலே 'பல்வரவு'ன்னு போட்டிருக்கே!"

******

"கல்யாணம் ஆனதிலேருந்து, எனக்கு அடிக்கடி உடம்பு சரியாயில்லே!"

"அப்போ, மண-நோயாளின்னு சொல்லுங்க!"

**
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அப்பா: டேய்..பக்கத்து வீட்டுல போய் சுத்தியல் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்க கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி..எதிர் வீட்டுல போய் வாங்கிண்டு வா
மகன்: சரிப்பா....
(சிறிது நேரம் கழித்து)
மகன்: அப்பா அவங்களும் கொடுக்கமாட்டாங்களாம்.
அப்பா: சரி விடு..சரியாண கஞ்சப்பசங்க...போயி நம்ம வீட்டுல இருக்கும் சுத்தியலைக் கொண்டு வா!!
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ஒரு ஏரோப்ளேனும் ராக்கெட்டும் அருகருகே செல்லும் போது ஏரோப்ளேன் ராக்கெட்டை பார்த்து இருவருக்கும் ஒரே எரிபொருள் தான் நிரப்புகிறார்கள். அதெப்படி நீ மட்டும் மிக வேகமாக செல்கிறாய் என்று கேட்டது. அதற்கு ராக்கெட், உனக்கும் பின்னாடி தீ வைத்தால் தெரியும் சேதி என்றது.
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math problems
on the floor?
JOHNNY: You asked me to solve them without using
tables!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how *I*
spell it!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish
him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

JOHNNY: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
JOHNNY: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
JOHNNY: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no
longer interested?
JOHNNY A Teacher

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Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son: "I will choose my own bride!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."

Son: "Well, in that case...ok"


Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.


Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"


Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.


Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!
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An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to
Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need
some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

Cheers!
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"

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வருடம் கி.பி 2046

சச்சின் டெண்டுல்கரும், சவுரவ் கங்குலியும் ஒரு பூங்காவில் உட்கார்ந்து பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கிறார்கள்.

திடீரென சச்சினுக்கு ஒரு சந்தேகம், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுவார்களா ? இருவரும் விவாதித்து விவாதித்து ஒரு முடிவுக்கு வர முடியவில்லை. எனவே இருவரும் ஒரு ஒப்பந்தத்துக்கு வந்தார்கள்.

இருவரில் யார் முதலில் இறக்கிறார்களோ அவர்கள் உயிரோடிருப்பவருக்கு தகவல் சொல்ல வேண்டும். சொர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாட்டு உண்டா இல்லையா என்று.

நாட்கள் நகர்ந்தன.

பாவம் சச்சின். மெக்ராத் பந்தில் கிளீன் போல்ட் ஆவது போல கனவு கண்டு மாரடைப்பில் ஒரு நாள் மரித்துப் போனார்.

கங்குலி அதே பூங்காவில் காத்திருந்தார். சச்சினின் தகவலுக்காக.

திடீரென்று ஒரு குரல்..

கங்குலி…கங்குலி….

அழைத்தது சச்சினே தான். பரவசமடைந்த கங்குலி வேக வேகமாகக் கேட்டான். சச்சின், சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்களா ?

சச்சின் சொன்னார், உனக்குச் சொல்ல இரண்டு விஷயங்கள் இருக்கின்றன. ஒன்று நல்ல விஷயம் , இன்னொன்று கொஞ்சம் மோசமான விஷயம் தான்.

சரி சொல்லு, கங்குலி கேட்டான்

சுவர்க்கத்தில் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாடுகிறார்கள். இது நல்ல செய்தி.

சரி மோசமான செய்தி என்ன ?

வரும் வெள்ளிக்கிழமை நீ தான் துவக்க ஆட்டக்காரர் !
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Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.

The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.

Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:

These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:

Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:

Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:

If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again
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புதிதாகக் கோடீசுவரரான ஒருவர் தம் பங்களாவில் மூன்று நீச்சல் குளங்கள் கட்டியிருந்தார்.

வந்த ஒருவர் "எதற்காக மூன்று?" என்று கேட்டார்?

"ஒன்று வெந்நீர் இன்னொன்று தண்ணீர், மூன்றாவது வெறுமையாக இருக்கும்" என்றார் கோடீசுவரர்.

"தண்ணீர் இல்லாமல் ஏன் வெறுமையாக நீச்சல் குளம் கட்டியிருக்கீங்க?" என்று கேட்டார் வந்தவர்.

"நீச்சல் தெரியாதவர்களுக்காக" என்று பதில் சொன்னார் அவர்

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